Fatumah Birungi
There are moments in life when the heart can no longer contain what it feels. It becomes too heavy and full, not with noise, but with a longing. A quiet heaviness that turns into tears when no one is watching, and into prayers when the entire world is asleep.
For me, that moment came in 2019.
At that time, I was studying at the University of Reading in the United Kingdom, surrounded by cultures different from those of my home country, Uganda. I was surrounded by a different rhythm of life, filled with lectures, deadlines, cold winter weather that sometimes dropped below freezing, and busy streets that never seemed to pause. Yet, in the middle of all that, something inside me became still.
And in that stillness, a call began to rise.
As a young woman, I could not silence this call.
The voice began with a simple thought: Mecca or Mekka!
This came not as a word I had learned at the university, and not just as a place on the map, but as something far greater. I felt it as a pull that turned into a longing I could not silence.
Mecca became alive in my heart. A sacred sanctuary meant for the worship of Allah (GOD), the direction of every prayer for Muslims. It is the home of the Kaaba, the first house on earth dedicated to the worship of One God.
And with Mecca came another word that felt heavier still: Hajj!
Hajj is the sacred pilgrimage to Mecca performed by Muslims who are physically and financially able. It is the fifth pillar of Islam and is among the greatest acts of worship in a Muslim’s life. A calling that millions of Muslims before me had answered. I learned that:
Each year, approximately 1.5 to 3 million pilgrims travel from more than 200 countries gather in Mecca for Hajj, Muslims travel from more to gather in Mecca for Hajj. https://www.stats.gov.sa/
And millions still dream of answering the same call.
Searching the Qur’an for Meaning
As the thoughts grew stronger, the longing was no longer only emotional; it became deeply spiritual. I began to search.
I started reading the Qur’an (the holy book for Muslims) differently, not just as recitation, but as if I was searching for something that had already been written for only my heart.
I looked for verses about Mecca, the Kaaba, and the invitation for Hajji from Allah Himself. I wanted to understand this pull inside me.
Then, I came across the words of Allah describing the House:
“And [mention O Prophet Muhammad] when We made the House (Kaaba) a place of return for the people and a place of security”… Purify My house for those who perform Tawaf (circling the Kaaba) and those who stay there for worship and those who bow and prostrate for My sake.” Qur’an 2:125
After reading this verse, I felt something shift inside me — as if my heart, too, was being called back to a place it had always known.
I also learned how Allah speaks about Hajj, being a duty owed to Him alone:
“And complete the Hajj and ‘Umrah for Allah…” Qur’an 2:196
These words did not feel like distant text. They felt as if they were quietly addressing something within me. Something I was longing for.
The Silence of 3:00 A.M.
Having learned about the above verses, I remember a night before my graduation at the University of Reading, I had woken up at 3:00 a.m. when the world outside was completely silent. No footsteps nor voices.
In that silence, I found myself crying deeply, speaking to Allah in a way I had never spoken before.
I told Him that if He ever granted me the opportunity to work and earn a salary, I would save for the first years and spend for the Hajj, other than my worldly desires.
Although I did not know how it would happen. But in that moment, my heart had already made a promise to GOD.
The Many Ways of Calling
The more I searched for wisdom about Mecca and Hajj, the more I realized something profound: The calling to Mecca does not arrive at every soul in the same way.
For some, it begins in childhood, hearing stories from their parents and grandparents who once stood before the house of Allah (Kaaba).
For others, it comes through pain, after loss, heartbreak, and feeling distant from Allah.
Some feel it in moments of repentance, when guilt becomes too heavy to carry alone.
While others spend years ignoring the feeling until one day it becomes impossible to silence it.
And some hear the calling while reading the Qur’an. At that moment, certain verses suddenly stop being like any other words and begin feeling like a personal conversation with Allah.
When I returned to Uganda in 2021 to begin serving in the job Allah had graciously blessed me with, the calling did not fade. If anything, it grew stronger.
I remember meeting a widow in my neighbourhood in Entebbe town. She had lived with her husband for more than 40 years. After his death during the COVID-19 pandemic, silence filled her life in ways words could not explain. And in that grief, the longing for Mecca entered her heart.
One night, she raised her hands and said loudly:
“O Allah, grant me the opportunity to pray for my husband while standing before Your House.”
She still longs for a day when she will carry the love and memory of the man she had spent her life with to the holiest place on earth.
I also met a woman during my journey to Kampala, the capital city, who shared how the calling came to her during repentance. After a painful sin she had committed against her stepmother years back. She said no apology could erase the weight she carried, yet her stepmother died.
She commented on how the longing for Hajj had suddenly entered her heart.
In tears, she said:
“I can not imagine an evening or a morning when I will stand before Allah’s house and ask Him for forgiveness.”
Her words reminded me of one of the teachings that stayed deeply in my heart, a saying of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):
“Whoever performs Hajj for the sake of Allah and does not engage in obscenity, or wrongdoing will return as sinless as a newborn child.” From the hadith of Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim.
On another day, while I was commuting to work on a motorcycle (commonly known as Boda Boda in Uganda), I spoke with a rider who expressed gratitude for his life. He said:
“GOD has blessed me with a life I did not expect. What can I give back to Allah except spending from what He gave me to answer His call for Hajj?”
To the motorcycle rider, the call came as gratitude in motion.
Words That Led Me Further
As my longing deepened, I began searching not only in scripture but in the words of ordinary people across the world.
Late at night, I would read testimonies and comments from people across the world speaking about Mecca and Hajj with emotions that felt impossible to ignore.
One person from the Philippines wrote:
“O Allah, allow me to reach Mecca so I can pray for my parents who are suffering from cancer.”
Another from the United States said:
“I have everything in life except peace in my heart. After witnessing people who have attained the same from their pilgrimage, I ask Allah to call me to His House. I will indeed find peace.”
What surprised me most was seeing even non-Muslims speaking about Mecca with curiosity and wonder.
Some said they wished they could experience the spiritual pull millions describe every year. While others spoke about being fascinated by the unity and the tears they see in pilgrims after they return to their home countries.
As I read these words from strangers scattered across the world, I recalled the verse:
“And [O Prophet Ibraham] proclaim to the people the Hajj; they will come to you on foot and on every lean camel; they will come from every distant path on earth.” Qur’an 22:27
At first, the longing felt deeply personal, but the more I learned about Hajj, the more I discovered that it echoes through countless hearts of millions of Muslims across continents.
Words Could Not Explain Mecca and Hajji
Listening to those who had already performed Hajj, it became more impossible to hold my longing.
For the form pilgrims, some called Mecca :
“The home of peace, a place where tears speak louder than words.”
While others described Hajj as:
“The journey when GOD feels near.”
One pilgrim described the experience in words that quietly stayed with me:
“When my eyes first fell upon the Kaaba, the pain I had carried for years no longer felt heavy.”
Another said:
“Hajj is a journey of return to Allah. During Hajj, pride disappears. Wealth disappears. Status disappears. Kings stand beside the poor, leaders beside ordinary people, all calling upon the same Creator.” With emotions, he described Mecca as the only place on earth where millions of people cry together.
I was struck by the fact that people speaking about Mecca and Hajj, despite their different backgrounds, cultures, and journeys through life, all shared one common difficulty: no words ever seemed insufficient to describe what they felt while they were in Hajj.
These shared their stories as though their hearts experienced something there that language cannot fully hold.
And in that realization, my heart became hopeful, because I now believed that this longing itself might already be part of the divine invitation.
When Longing Meets Reality
However, hope alone was not enough; there was one truth I could not escape: the Financial Ability.
Every decision that I made began to force me to answer one intriguing question:
How willing am I to sacrifice to answer the calling?
This question became even more difficult to answer, especially considering the family responsibilities of my parents and siblings that I had to fulfill.
The reflections brought me back to the promise I made at 3:00 a.m. a day before my graduation that I would use the savings of my first salary for Hajj. At some point, I would feel shy before Allah. However, slowly, I would learn that the path to Mecca to perform Hajj requires something greater: the sacrifices.
And that question would soon shape my decisions and actions in ways I never expected, just as it had for countless others longing for Hajj.
To be continued in Part 2: The Waiting Season.
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