Bae ( I know, I know, you’ll kill me for using that word but apparently that’s what the cool kids use these days)
You are how? The family, the neighbourhood kids, are they fine? How about the family goats? Did the other one you told me about give birth? Henewe, I hope everything is smooth sailing ,like hot porridge pouring out of a saucepan, in your life.
Kati, let’s get down to business. You have kubed me, badly! When we first met, I was just there there, being random as usual, and then you entered my atmosphere, and things where never the same for me.
You smiled and my eyes shed tears of joy, I observed your physical fitness and some of my body parts became physically fit, you talked and the sensible matter coming out of your luscious lips made my brain matter commoved, you laughed and all other sounds on this earth started sounding like a scratched CD.
You confused my entire Matrix and I now know what Neo must have felt like after swallowing that red pill. Kyana, you have kubed me wabula.
Ate I know it’s not just me who is confused… I have observed you also being disorganised my general badidity. And not just in the way the other girls fall my for badi guyi charisma, you have been disorganised in a deeper way. I know because of the several times I have found you checking me out like I am a math puzzle that needs to be figured out. Other girls look at me like a piece of meat to be devoured, but for you, you check me out with both lustful appreciation and a burning curiosity. A curiosity that needs to figure out why I have confused you so. I just want you to know that the way you check me out gives me goose bumps, the type usually reserved for Hans Zimmer soundtracks, and I want to encourage you to keep it up.
So, now that we have established that we both have sigiri for each other, why don’t we proceed to do each other. Forgive my direct tone, but it was preached to me that those that hesitate, masturbate, and while I might have broken some wanking records in my younger days, I am not going to be labelled a masturbator while you are there existing and being sexy. Nedda bambi. I want to have relationships with you physically, mentally and any other -ally that applies here.
Let us do this. YOLO might have been kidnapped by the bae-crowd, but goddammit we only have one life to live and we, therefore, owe it to ourselves to jump right into this romantic mix and experience the heck out of whatever this explosive chemistry is. Heck, chemistry alone is not sufficient to describe this myriad of emotions that’s flowing between us…Let us throw in biology, history, PE, mathematics, physics and some CRE for good measure.
You see, even the other night, I got a vision were you and I were dating and the power of our love was so powerful it lit up the entire East Africa fwaa. I am talking about providing power for industries , airports , refugee camps …we basically run UMEME and its equivalent in the other EA countries out of business. Then the CIA wanted to capture us to experiment on us, mbu for science, but the power of our love came through again and we floated off to planet Jupiter where we proceeded to be the Adam and eve of that side. Who are we to go against the intensity of such a vision.
The entire last paragraph is a complete lie. It was just a wet dream…but there is a deduction within that we shouldn’t ignore. That deducation is that I am very determined to make you mine, and I yours, even if it means making up barely believable stories. I don’t even like cheese that much, but I have written this cheesy love note for you. So, save us the precious time we have on this earth and just allow and tukikole instead of playing those hard to get games. And if, at the end of it all, things go south and we realise the mukwano was not the truth, we can hold hands, look into the sunset and whimsically ponder on how beautiful it was before it wasn’t, after which we can part ways, after one more ka lingering kiss, and go our separate ways, knowing that we were brave enough to take a leap of faith and emote 100%.
I remain yours in passionate desire and romantic overflow…
PS: About the memes, erm, hope I didn’t get too carried away. Just one more though…