I have been held by women all my life.

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I grew up with a sister who seemed to arrive in the world already prepared. Years ago, my other sister mentioned that she wasn’t ready for a French exam she had chosen to take. We were all adults, but the look she received suggested this was not information she was expected to share proudly. In my sister’s world, if an exam exists, preparation is not optional. She has been one of my greatest sources of career advice. She sets ambitious standards for herself and has a habit of achieving things that once seemed impossible. Looking back, I realise that many of the standards I hold myself to today were first modelled by her.

My other sister has always had a strong sense of self. She believes in standing up for herself and others and chose a career that suits that part of her perfectly. From her, I learnt that confidence is not something you wait to be given; it comes from knowing who you are and being willing to own it. She is fiercely independent, protective and has listened to more complaints, worries and overthinking than anyone should reasonably have to. Some seasons would have been impossible without her.

Then there is my mother, who once referred to herself as the Iron Lady. The description makes me smile because she is also one of the warmest, bubbliest people I know. If she found herself stranded on Mars, I am convinced she would make friends with an alien and persuade them to help her get home. Her belief in me has been stronger than my own. In her mind, I was supposed to become a famous author. Part of the reason I still write is that she never stopped believing I could.

I was also fortunate to have a female boss who supported me in ways I did not fully appreciate at the time. She celebrated my successes, giving me more credit than I thought I deserved. She spoke my name in rooms that mattered, more than once. She noticed small things too: my handwriting, my notebooks and my endless to-do lists. It is difficult to overstate the impact of someone who sees potential in you and quietly creates opportunities for you to grow into it.

And then there are friends. The ones who laughed with me, talked me through disappointments and looked at my ideas as though I had completely lost the plot, but supported me anyway.

One friend has been by my side since we were six years old. Encouragement comes as naturally to her as breathing. I often tell her that words of affirmation are one of her gifts. She has an extraordinary ability to see the good in people and remind them of it when they have forgotten. Over the years, she has shown me that life can be redesigned, reshaped and rebuilt into something closer to the life you want. She leads with kindness, but never at the expense of honesty, and I am better for having had a front row seat to that example.

When I look back, I realise that none of us become who we are on our own. I have been held by women all my life, and I hope that I have done the same for others.

Written by

Joanita Male

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