“In real life they’re a good person”

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If you’re friends with someone whose behaviour you have to defend constantly whenever people from different walks of life complain about them, step back a bit and ask yourself why people who do not share circles almost have the same perception about your friend.

I made friends with someone in 2016. I didn’t like the person before but they insisted we shall talk and on the night we found ourselves in the same place, I thought that perhaps I was just wrong about them.

This friendship cruised on for about 8 years and in all those years, it was a blend of happiness and the need of being hyper alert to clap back because a week wouldn’t go by without them saying something mean. We would laugh about my clap back and life would move on.

A couple of people had complaints about them but I always laughed and would wish that they understood them better.

What should have been a serious red flag was one time calling my cousin using this person’s phone and when I told my cousin that it was me speaking, he asked “How do you know this person? That person is not good. Be careful around them”. I laughed it off because to me, my friend was just that wild goose but quite tender on some days.

Time shared with them would actually be full of laughter but they wouldn’t hesitate to make snide remarks about you. Something that would chip at your confidence or self worth.

In 2023, we were supposed to work on a project together. They had begged for a long time to have it done so I asked myself “what’s the worst that could happen? I know this person is a hard worker” We started it and they didn’t hesitate to sabotage it. I called them out for what they had done and they never responded.

I had days when I missed them. I knew it wasn’t in their DNA to apologize and so I wanted to be the bigger person but then I found myself asking how many times I should be the bigger person in this friendship. I didn’t even realize I was already exhausted until I asked myself that question. I oscillated between respecting myself and calling them for a couple of months.

That same year I made friends with someone. They had been friends on here for some time but that year, we got closer and talked and laughed more often than not. You would never think that the other friend and this new one ever crossed paths.

Him: I see you’re friends with so and so

Me thinking about how I miss them: yes

Him: that friend of yours did something to me some years ago.

Me to me: oh shoot!

Me: oh oh. Care to share?

Him: they got me on a project and just when we were about to get to the days of payment, they said the project had not worked out so they’re cancelling everything.

I felt a lump in my throat. I felt knots in my stomach. I apologized on their behalf and it was then that I made the decision to stop downplaying this person’s behavior.

Days ago, I was invited to speak to a certain gathering and it was on the D-day when I found out who the owner of the gathering is. No. It wasn’t the friend herein. I let out a sigh and told the person, I don’t like being around the owner of the gathering. The person who invited me was quick to defend the owner saying that when you’re close to this person, they’re actually good.

I got to the gathering and the audience was still asked to warm up to the person because “in real life they’re a good person”.

Knowing how I used to be with this other friend, I knew there and then, that person is not good.

If Dr. Kasenene was ever told that I wouldn’t make a good client for him, it would be “on him” when he insists because the pictures is my kataasa of mandazi that I made at 10pm last night.

Written by

Nabuguzi. Kiwanuka

Lawyer. Founder, Director, CEO at Equate Foundation. Podcaster - Hash Time with Nabuguzi Kiwanuka. Drawer. Dance lover. Music lover. Risk-taker. Daily learner.

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