From Teachers in Hedges to Traffic Banter: A Life of Inappropriate Accusations and Laughter.

Muwado Ad by Muwado - Africa's Storytelling Platform

I met a chaotic traffic officer today. I don’t know, but that woman could make a good gossip

First of all, she accused us of skipping the lights. I believed her, but the person who was driving swore she was telling lies.

She did not only accuse us of skipping the lights, but came with the attitude of me being the driver’s woman.  Nothing tickles me like random light lies about me. They catch me off guard and I just laugh even where I could be in trouble.

The first time this happened was when I was fresh in the new school for my upper secondary school education. While walking down to our dormitory, a classmate tickled me and laughed so hard. A teacher pulled up from out of the hedge saying “anhaa I have caught you” and that made me even laugh harder because what do you mean teachers hide in hedges to get who to punish?

She said “write yowa bu names here” and I died more because why was she speaking like that? “Write yowa bu names here and I read them on assembly for yowa bu boyfriends” When she added the boyfriends bit, I could no longer hold it. In fact, I had to support myself on her shoulder. Mostly begging for self-control and mercy from her. At this point, I couldn’t even breathe well. I needed to take deep breaths to calm myself down before I begged for her proper proper mercy but every time she said something, she said it in a way I’d never heard a teacher speak. I was literally fighting for my life while holding my stomach. She, too, ended up laughing and told us to run to awa dormitory. To-date, the memory of that night still makes me laugh.

When this traffic officer said the friend in the driver’s seat was my man, I laughed so hard while holding onto her hand.

I denied him and she said “but she you’re beautiful and he is also handsome” weeeelp

At this point, I wasn’t sure if she was serious about penalising us or not. Because in the banter, she would also ask for his licence.

I heard a new term I’d never heard of – something like a green pepper instead of the licence. At first I was curious to know what the green pepper looked like until the officer said “don’t give me your money. Give me your licence” Aaahh okay. Is that a term you people use? Also why did this friend quickly start addressing the officer as “Ssenga w’ abaana”?

Baana mwe muli bayaaye wemutyo?

Written by

Nabuguzi. Kiwanuka

Lawyer. Founder, Director, CEO at Equate Foundation. Podcaster - Hash Time with Nabuguzi Kiwanuka. Drawer. Dance lover. Music lover. Risk-taker. Daily learner.

Follow

Did this story move you? Every gift goes directly to Nabuguzi. Kiwanuka — writers on Muwado earn from reader appreciation, not algorithms. Even $1 makes a difference.

Gift Once Gift Monthly