Philip Matogo
Two weeks ago, I went to visit my high school buddy; Ronnie. In the fashion of good hip-hop, he didn’t really go to high school. He went to school high.
I first met Ronnie at St Charles Lwanga Secondary School while doing my A Levels. He was your typical swashbuckler, fracturing every school rule. When we met again recently at his crash pad in Kulambiro, he was still the same mischievous dude. Talking with him cleared up several childhood mysteries.
As a consequence, my self-image of being a well behaved student at Kasasa was smithereened, as it were. I realize now I was who I am now. Allow me to explain.
Back in Kasasa, I was urged to run for the post of Minister of Education. I won by a landslide typical of President Paul Kagame’s electoral wins enabling him to steward an elective dictatorship in Rwanda. The school administration would choose the Head Boy from the elected ministers.
Seeing that I was so popular with the studentry, the headmaster and his coven of Brothers of Christian Instruction believed I would thus serve the students’ interests instead of their own. So they selected another minister from the elected.
In about 5 months, I was kicked to the kerb and was no longer a minister. I thought it was because of the political skills of my political opponents, the so called survivors. However, I conveniently forgot that I used to run with the hare and hunt with the hounds.
I was a prefect who’d hang with hard-bitten rebels like Ronnie while upholding school rules. I was the nowhere man, as I am today. The survivors snitched on me and I was out. No political skill beyond treachery was required.
Ronnie reminded me of the time the deputy Headmaster, nicknamed Guy D, slapped me. I stood my ground and told him to do it again. He did. Five times!
On his sixth go, I dodged his slap and told him: “Sir, you missed!”
Stunned, he asked: “I missed?!?”
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I am a writer and a humorist in the tradition of Mark Twain, Aziz Ansari, Tina Fey, George Carlin and Ogden Nash. I believe in social justice and I am passionate about a global literary Renaissance.
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