Dan Okwiri
Penning my journal. Many Kenyan lassies live delusion that the fastest ticket to the USA is bagging a diaspora dude, unbeknownst that it’s the fastest way to be bonked and dumped. Slice the pie, in quest to migrate to USA they dish their curvy goodies to returning diaspora on holiday, in belief that these blokes will tie the knot and plane them to USA. Thereafter life will be kisses, roses and candy streaming in quid.
Let me arrow it straight, many of these US diaspora bloke live life broke. They plane fare is on credit, the money they spend on credit, their flashy mobiles, funky clothes all on credit. That’s why they prefer to patronize places that accept credit cards.
I have lived life abroad, there’s nothing new here, let me leak you a secret. Women in the European world are hot funk unlike Kenya. Going out or sleeping around holes your pockets. A steamy session of raunchy fun and giggles can cost anywhere between 40k to 100k. You pay for promiscuity through your nose and let me tell you another secret too, Kenyan women here are way more pretty & shapely as they don’t consume junk food. The problem with Kenyan women here is they haven’t a clue in blue of their value. This dudes won’t get the same women of their standard in the USA. So they stream here fishing for cheap fun cause they have the money.
Some Kenyan diaspora dudes, visit annually with same old trick in sleeve to dip rod. They promise marriage & USA passport and Kenyan women jelly their knees wide to men who are essentially here on s#x holidays. If you think you’re their only one true love, forget it. By the time they are done with their holiday they have bonked 30 desperate women literary for free in exchange of a promissory note to take them to the States and live the American dream.
I will tell you a sad story of lady friend Hawi in Migori County whose life was turned upside down by diaspora lover boy. She was a single mother popping her mid-30s with a 6-year-old son. If there’s a woman who nature endowed with bootsy delights, it’s Hawi. Migori men usually have 2 wives plus, they live the old way, and women here prefer multi-party, as it’s gives them freedom & a man to pay the bills. Despite Hawi’s beauteous, all men stayed clear in fear. For them she was touch and go in quick row, & they were careful not to sow.
Luo dudes have a morbid phobia of marrying a woman with son. In Luo folklore it’s said that all the blessing and good fortune will river to the stepson, and your own blood children will be nincompoops. Infact if you carefully examine the family trees of all great Luos, they were brought in by their mothers.
To good to be true, one Engineer Onyango resident in US was visiting home & Hawi bumped into him in a social gathering. The shocker to my mocker within 5 days the two were an item. He claimed to be single & free to mingle, and was here in search of a wife.
The bloke claimed to be an engineer, it smelled fishy I had my doubts as I intellectually engaged him, he sounded hollow but I let it pass. Tried to poke this to Hawi but she would hear of none it, worried that she would miss the bus. She worshipped the ground Onyango walked on, thinking it would take her to the USA.
Engineer Onyango a gold tongue orator, he love-bombed her & within a week blissed her a marriage proposal in purple prose. Praise to the skies Hawi was jazzed, and requested Wuod Baba to be her best man. Something I flatly refused!
Hawi, let me tell it as it is, “There’s no Luo dude in his 50s loaded in quid with no strings attached, do some due diligence.”
For next to 2 months, she butterflied him her honey-glazed smooches and rocked his joystick in dizzy delight, in cling, sing, ding, fling in g-string. Every grooving thing deflates, his 3-month holiday was quickly over in rover. The dude paid for her Migori to JKIA flight on Skyward Airlines & she escorted him to JKIA for his return flight to USA. Hawi had never flown before, she was on Cloud9. She had finally found love.
When she returned back to Migori, she came to Wuod Baba’s for advice? Engineer Onyango leaked to her he was frazzled of diaspora life, & wanted to shift his medical practice to Nairobi. Sound as the Bank of America, he had over Kes 400 million in savings from his 30 years of life in USA. Lathered her in soft soap, peaches & cream he tasked her to search for a house in Nairobi’s breezy leafy Karen. What was immediately urgent to sweeten the pot he was getting her new set of wheels, she asked for my advice on the car make? My succinct answer for this country damsel, a “Toyota double cab was my dream car”.
Hawi worked as a clerk in Migori County, and to take the cake the dude had offered to start her a hardware shop, with a jaw-dropping stock of Kes 20 million. She was thinking of quitting her county job, and would shuttle between Karen and Migori where she intended to do a hardware business.
My only advice to her was “Don’t quit your job till everything is firmed”.
Engineer Onyango had said it would take 6 months for him to wrap up his sojourn in USA and return home for good. The next 6 months Hawi was fuzzy and fizzy sprite. Suspense was bathing her, she couldn’t wrap a sentence without Onyango mentioned. At this juncture the whole gamut of Migori County folk had heard of Engineer Onyango, her lady buddies washed with green envy of her good fortune.
Sitting pretty on the 7th month, Onyango thudded her apocalyptic news. He couldn’t leave USA just yet, he hadn’t gotten a buyer for his engineer practice and had the issue of dealing with the retrenching his staff and finding them a soft landing.
It all sounded plausible, he requested Hawi to give him another 12 months. Sitting duck, on the 13 month, something new popped again. He had developed some sort of bone cancer which can only be treated in USA, the medicare in Kenya for him was not up to the mark. By now two years had streamed down the tube and Hawi’s optimism had began to fizzle. She had lost her bubbly debonair and was punctured in sad pint. I had noticed she began to let go, dressed drab and was now paunchy.
Hawi now frazzled begun to live hermit, her life like most single moms by now orbiting around her son. She was bitter that she was now dumped in litter, her dazzle glitter in spitter. Sitting on her butt 3 years and counting, it now finally dawned she had been taken out to the cleaners, this diaspora dude was done & dusted with her.
Same old sing and dance, 4 years down the road I bumped into Engineer Onyango at Gilly Hotel sitted with his new banana girlie, a new 20-ish babe in mollycoddle. No flies on him, he happened to be in the company of local Migori dude I happen to know called John who he introduced as his cousin. I enquired how is Hawi? He brushed off the subject in dirt & discomfort. I hurriedly scampered, I had stepped on toes.
A month later I bumped into John in Migori. Asked him if she knew Hawi? His reply jazzed me. Opening a can of worms, he leaked to me that Hawi is yesterday’s news,
“Onyango is a hit and run dude. His annual holidays to Kenya are for poke poke. Speaking of the devil, he lures ladies that he will take them to the States but it’s scam. He ain’t even a engineer but slogs in Walmart Supermarket as a cashier. Despite being in USA 30+ years he hasn’t jetted any of his blood siblings there. He even refused to chip in his deceased father’s medical bill. He was married to white woman, then divorced and jailed for 5 years for domestic violence. Alimony payments for his three children will make him broke till hell freezes over.”
I was absolutely aghast! Liar liar pants on fire, this guy was a living cheat.
Walk on eggs, I buzzed Hawi and dosed her the unvarnished dossier I had learnt so she supper final closure and move on. To upset the apple cart by now 5 years had rivered. Hawi is still a shadow of her hey days, walking wounded she hasn’t quite swum on. Now doing early 40s the show must go on, loose in goose she’s gotten needled by a 20 year boda bike boy who ran her errands and birthed another son with the spunky toy boy. She’s left holding the bag. Run through the mill, she’s stagnated, to-date a frustrated clerk in Migori County, taken fond to the bottle for comfort.
Many women today in Migori are aware of Hawi’s predicament, and are wary of Kenyan diaspora lover boys. Migori ladies will tell you, separate men from boys, they would rather a local dude, we know their truth, at the end he will give you a future.
Step the pedal, nothing new under the sun there are many women like Hawi in Kenya, wasted by diaspora in USA. They live a fantasy world that their lover will jet them to USA. Take a leaf from her book, live & learn this is an intrigue true story of one of your own. Take the pill as you may, you have been duped!
#okwiri my journal, my thoughts, my walk…
**** My book “I cleansed the tears” is available @ Nuria bookstore.
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