I first noticed you because you were different physically. From the looks of you, I thought you had cancer. Even a trip together to an exotic land did not allow me to see past what only my eyes could see.
But after that, the fates seemed to put us in the same places like never before. You introduced me to Slavoj Zizek’s “Violence” and I introduced you to Benjamin Skinner’s “A Crime So Monstrous”. We both loved the written word and pondering the earth’s difficult questions over beer: “Is giving a beggar money really a solution? Are we truly altruistic when we do so, or does it only soothe our guilt?”. My eyes opened a little wider.
For the umpteenth time, you invited me for a beer. I had the feeling this invitation was different from any other you’d made before. We laughed about our unhealthy affinity for alcohol and our unfortunate love lives. We were both suffering from unreciprocated love. The night ended with a tipsy kiss in a cab, but I still wasn’t sure.
We started to fool around like young teenagers. Exploring the wilderness that is passion with fresh eyes. Your kiss transformed from one that leaves me questioning to one that leaves me wanting. A new desire was born in me. It bore no guilt, no anguish, no aversion. It was pure, deep, consuming. The more I fed of it, the hungrier I was. I felt this desire when we looked at each other with Cyclops eye in a café, at a bus stop, outside a night club, on a suburban street. Your every touch became my submission and completion.
We were each other’s firsts in different ways. For me, my first uncomplicated love affair. Sometimes I wish we’d met sooner or that I’d never left. Although leaving is what I wanted, I despaired at leaving you. Leaving you yet you remained so potently inside of me.
This Valentine’s day, we’re separated by time zones and thousands of miles but you wander in my thoughts ever so sweetly, bringing back memories of an insatiable passion. Though I may not be able to feel you next to me or look into your eyes for a time to come, my passion for you still blooms like a flower in spring, burns like the midday sun in the tropics, and endures like an oasis in a desert.
I send you kisses reminiscent of the past, kisses hopeful for the future, kisses that tell you today what you mean to me, kisses that remind me that life can always surprise me.