When does 1 become 2?
1, 1.2, 1.3……1.9, 1.99? 1.9999999?
Mathematically between 1 and 2, there is infinity. There is no specific number or place where 1 becomes 2.
Taking it further.
When does a seed become a plant? or When does the baby become a child and then to an adult?
Is there a specific time or second or millisecond when it happens? It’s hard to point to an exact time and space.
When I look at the clouds and the waves. I see patterns and so many patterns
The mind even if it tries to make sense or creates an image or story out of it. It gives up after some time. There are just so many.
And then there are patterns inside. I see the world around and make sense of it through these patterns. Relating- Correlating, Deriving, and Analyzing. connecting the fragment of images from past present and future. In doing so deriving a certain comfort and something to hold on to.
The mind seems to be in a stable state until a situation hits or challenges it. The patterns are challenged and the mind is in a state of conflict. The mind immediately tries to understand through logic, reasoning to prove the knowing inside or to add to it. And it happens through numerous conversations inside within myself as if to reach somewhere with it. The somewhere leading to a conclusion or reason or justification. I being an observer of myself watching myself and having the parallel conversations within. While this is happening, everything around is changing, the sky, the air, the blood, and even the mind. But the mind tries hard to stick to the images, conclusions, ideas, and beliefs and remain in the state of knowing.
The questions arising in the mind to find answers. The answers arising from looking and interacting with the present through the lens of the past.
Most of the things I see online these days are about techniques, how-tos, and ways to become better, to inculcate habits, or to become someone or something. 6 habits, 4things, dos, donts falling into the space of sense and normalizing people with the how tos. It is about the general and popular sentiment of the people who are interacting with the internet.
I was at a point in my life where I was too much into knowing. I had ambitions and I was constantly in the look for information or insights from other lives that helped me grow. Mostly in the form of blogs or podcasts and books. I was into it so much to come out and realize the insignificance of too much of it. During the process, I was moving away from my own expression and latching onto information or someone else’s knowing.
Though the process gave me the courage to dive into uncertainty and to discover other crazy people and experiment with businesses, events, and community projects. All the knowledge and information accumulated gave more power to the observer within and gave more addition to the patterns inside. Hence creating a conflict with the immediate world and things around. It absorbs one so much into it that it is hard to see anything rationally or with clarity.
The patterns, constructs come from the way I am brought up, through genetics, society, education, and what I see. It feels comfortable to stay in these patterns as the body and mind is used to it.
Biologically speaking our senses and cells in the body resonate with the patterns and create an expectation through them. The patterns which hold us from inside make our cells in the body act in a certain way and crave just a certain kind of nutrients/energy and reject others. That explains when in a situation of uncertainty, when the body is out of the comfort zone, it is in a vulnerable state with the sensations felt in the parts of the body. The sensations leading to a reaction if not paid attention.
As I am writing I am observing. I was taking breaks in between. I felt unrest in my body during the break and I went straight to the kitchen to grab something. I wasn’t actually hungry when I felt my stomach. My unrest needing the food or something to satisfy and distract.
The holding also manifests into pains in the body physically as the cells hold on to certain energy and not respire. Over a period of time, accumulating and turning this energy to pain, diseases, and reactions in the form of anger, hatred, bitterness. Many times from my relationships I see and feel the conflicts within. Presently I am inquiring and observing the sensations arising in my body than to make sense of the discomfort. Sometimes the inertia of the mind is so much that I lose all the rationality and quickly fall in the spectrum of analysis, judgment, and opinions. It becomes so hard to see a person as who is. Without making sense. Sometimes hard to accept the situations, events, and people around. Quickly jumping on to the knowing. Slowly and slowly I am able to come back to my body and observe and feel it.
Pain is a mechanism of the body to inform that the part of the body in pain is undergoing a process to heal and needs attention. I am speaking specifically about the body pains induced from a psychological state through fears, holdings, and not physical pains through accidents and others.
Medicine or pain killers suppress the pain but not actually address the root of it unless I remain with the pain, observe and act to change my habits or behaviors. I will talk more about medicine and pain in future posts.
When I explore without making sense of people, remain with the discomfort then I have more space for more people. Then I listen without observing. I am seeing the person, nature, or a situation as it is. It is to see and observe in my conversations every day what words I use, what actions I take, how I treat my friends and family, and other humans.
Every time I react it opens the door to go deeper. Instead of dissipating the energy in reaction, conserving it to observe. Hence letting go off the patterns and becoming free from them. This doesn’t imply that I repress the reaction but to take time and observe in the moment of reaction, look and pay attention to it.
Analysis and logic can only lead to a certain point as the reasoning is happening from the knowledge and experience of the past. Then whatever I come up with I am acting from the past to look into a situation. To look at a situation or discomfort fresh then I have to pay attention and become fully aware of the sensations and thoughts arising.
From home to school, society to friends, in relationships we do things to make sense to each other, to conform. We surround ourselves with people who agree or like our beliefs, ideas, and concepts. We end up choosing careers or doing things where we keep on adding experiences to the knowing. An authority not just coming from outside but also inside. The authority inside which judges oneself and thus leading to the repression of the unique individual expression. The inside authority leading to the authority on macro-scale in family, society, culture, politics, business, and so on. What I see outside is what is happening within.
Making sense is a part of our living and existence. We have got this immense intelligence with our mind to be put to use. How can I be aware of the field of sense and knowledge and allow space for other things to flow through? Being aware of where the knowing is actually needed. For instance following a system to drive or to do the essential things necessary for us to coexist. But not to take it beyond it.
Our entire number system is on abstractness. We have defined it for us to thrive. The number system expanding to currency, development and economy. Animals, plants, nature surely don’t understand it. We have made this system for our own use and purpose.
My learning so far has been that Inspiration is not just from the people I see online but there is an inspiration in my immediate world, inspiration in my family, inspiration in the people I interact with every day, inspiration in the people who disagree, agree, like, dislike and inspiration in nature. Then I am listening from all the senses than just absorbed into a screen through visuals and audio.
Art gives hope to the reality we live in. Art challenges the making sense and knowing. It carves out newer realities, which are inclusive and holistic, from the abstractness of the world around. It challenges the patterns, breaks them and gives a new way to look. It opens up doors to new perspectives and for us to respire.
The featured image of this post is a painting I made feeling my sensations arising from typing this and expressing beyond words.
So what did you make sense of the post?
P.S – What I wrote now may not make sense to me in the future when I look back. This is how I feel at the moment and which is present. I am open to listening and be challenged.