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The House of Falament Passes Hoodie Laws

Following an attack on one of their own, members of falament finally decide to do something about the state of insecurity in the land. Here is the transcript of deliberations in the chambre. Presenting: House of Falament

Hon Member From Kilamanya:Banange ekiyenje!

Hon Member From Gasiya: Kiwe gayi oyo. Ewabwe bazilya

Sergeant At Arms: Order order. Order in the house

Hon Member From Kilamanya: The honourable member from Butiko is hungry. I request a recess so he can adjourn to the pantry to eat some of the parliamentary cockroaches. May it please the house, madam speaker sir.

Speaker: Order, you idiot.

Hon Member From Kilamanya: I’m just trying to look out for a brother, madam speaker.

Hon Member From Butiko: We don’t eat cockroaches you hyena!

Speaker: Order! I call the house to order. Honourable member from Kilamanya, I don’t know what they served you when you went to Butiko but it is not parliamentary business what diet you are on. This is time for falament business. Bring your proposals, lumpens.

Hon Member From Ngara: Yes, madam speaker sir. We would like to propose new laws to combat rising insecurity in the nation. Insecurity has reached a point where we cannot just sit back and watch. We must do something.

Speaker: The house accepts that the motion be tabled

Hon Member From Ruwagye: Excuse me. May it please the House madam Speaker but what the vaa? I’ve been trying to propose that sh** for the past two years. You guys just keep brushing it away to discuss allowances and cars.

Hon Member From Ngara: Madam speaker sir, may the honorable.member from Ruwagye be duly advised to shut up and let me finish? What the vaa?

Hon Member From Ruwagye: But that was my proposal! Insecurity was rampant!

Hon Member From Ngara: Yeah, but when you Proposed it it hadn’t reached unacceptable levels yet.

Hon Member From Lulu: Yeah. It was only the people being attacked and killed on the streets. But now they are attacking us, man. Now it’s become too much. Now we must do something.

Hon Member From Mpocwa: Now is the time to act. Madam speaker, may the record show that I said that? It is a nice pithy statement that the press will love. Now Is The Time To Act. Hon Bagala Ddowa, Member of Falament of Mpocwa said.

Speaker: The motion is tabled, Judith. What more do you want? Sit down.

Hon Member From Ngara: Honourable members of the august house, the thugs attacked with guns. I say we pass a law requiring all guns to be registered so that if anyone commits a crime with a gun, we will know who it was. Clap for me that was very clever.

Hon Member From Ibuling: May I commend the honourable gentleman from Ngara for his astute and timely contribution. Long live the party president. However just one little thing. Not to burst your very insightful bubble but aren’t guns already registered by law?

Hon Member From Namagyegere: I have the ingredient missing from what the genius intellectual concoction offered by the brilliant member from Ngara. If registration of guns is not enough to stop us politicians being shot, well, the attackers were riding motorcycles. Let’s register all motorcycles in the nation. Surely if that is done no one will be able to commit a crime on a motorcycle without being captured by our fine forces of justice. I will now accept your wild applause.

Hon Member From Ruwagye: Madam Speaker I would like to raise a point of inquiry,

Speaker: I saw it coming..

Hon Member From Ruwagye: Madam speaker what the flying vaa?

Hon Member From Ddingo South: May it please the august house, I have a contribution to make on behalf of my fine constituents from the municipal of Dddingo.

Speaker: The floor belongs to the honourable member from Ddingo. May it please Judith to sit down and shut up.

Hon Member From Ddingo South: Madam speaker, I submit that Judith is indeed a pain. I can’t with her either. But pursuant to the ongoing discussion, I wish to alert the house to a previous law that already mandated the registration of all motor vehicles, motorcycles inclusive, meaning that we need to find something else.

Hon Member From Lulu: You mean these fools attacked us with registered guns on registered motorcycles and we still can’t catch them? What else did they have? What is there that isn’t registered? Their clothes maybe?

Hon Member From Mpamukira: Point of information, may the honourable member from Lulu be advised and informed that the assailants wore hoodies.

Hon Member From Lulu: I’m not familiar with this garment you call a hoodie.

Hon Member From Mpamukira: Of course not. You are an MP and hoodies are worn by low-income earners. But they exist.

Hon Member From Ddingo South: Are they registered, these hoodies?

Hon Member From Mpamukira: No one had time. We have been busy registering cellphones instead because of the last time a public servant was shot by bikers

Hon Member From Ddingo South: In that case I propose a law to ban the wearing of all hoodies unless they are registered.

Hon Member From Ruwagye: You really think this will stop criminals? The president and 27 dudes took over a whole government without a single registered item and you think signing forms will stop…

Hon Member From Kilamanya: Madam speaker sir, I request that we go onto recess as the cockroaches we saw earlier are still scuttering around and the member from Butiko is obviously hungry..

Hon Member From Butiko: Naye gaayi gwe ombeledde ki naye?

Speaker: Very well. Dismissed.

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Written by Ernest Bazanye

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