Dan Okwiri
Truth be said Kenyan women love naughty dudes & fairy beatitudes.
How many men have dumped you for being ludicrously boring! For the feline gender warriors, I proudly state have been dumped too.
Was a good egg in my youth, but kept getting dumped. I felt below par wondering what went wrong in pong with girls I tried to court?
I didn’t have that wand of razzmatazz men that pulled in the girls. To be hot you had to smoke, be a rebel & do macho stuff that real alpha men do.
I chose a path of goodie goodie, and even got a name “Danny boy”, for clean cut values and habits. In love with my foodie the Catholic, I was an altar boy, artsy, played squash, fiddled violin, loved to read, and engage in intellectual debates and cherished my solitude moments. Getting a woman synchronized with these hobbies & values is looking for someone born in planet Mars.
Sum & substance, women love naughty & fairy tale stories. They want that man they can change from being villain to a saint in knight and armour. If you ain’t that, the only woman you’ll attract will be an introvert, bland one whose idea of a date is a church service and her disco night vigil belting hymns.
Foot and mouth disease many women love lies, a man who tells her she’s the most beautiful lassie in the orbit, & can’t sleep without dreaming about her. You got to tell a Kenyan woman what she loves to hear, don’t talk real, talk big money as in honey. Sing her how you’ll buy her a helicopter & how you’re working on a multi-billion scam. She’ll be nuts about you.
Women love freebies, a good man must pay her bills in till, and in exchange she dishes him her frills in reel. Down & dirty once the man has sampled her cookies in jar, he moves to the next, as she wets tears of having been duped. The man has no apologies, in fool’s paradise gets what he paid for, and he leaves when goodies are not to his expectations.
Eat humble pie the world is cruel, most of these razzmatazz men that women love never make it. They spend their youth boozing & party whilst they should have been investing in themselves. They made the biggest mistake in life, investing in women.
With age become haggard & with physical damage to their frazzled bodies can’t rise their joy stick to the occasion. They can’t keep a job and when they hit 50, the grim reaper announces their name on his roll call.
If you look at the background of people who make it in life, you’ll realize that they had absolutely mundane uneventful starts. Living icon is President Ruto, he loves church was in the UON Christian group & met his beloved wife there, and tied the knot. Am sure all the girls didn’t bother with him in college, they wanted razzmatazz men. His wife though saw a future in him.
Politics aside, they started simple and in many ways maintained their lives that way, and with consistency it paid off, he landed the biggest office in the land outdoing everyone with razzmatazz.
When I joined Kenya Airways in 1986, I met this pretty chick from Kitui, the greatest thing since they invented sliced bread & swam in daisy love.
As many Kamba women come she was petite with an idyllic angelic face & streaming lovely wiggly hair. She made a career change from working on ground as a clerk in the finance department to an air hostess.
To have one’s ass in the sling, hell began, fat cat jet set pilots swarmed to devour her raunchy goodness, I became her fifth wheel in swill.
The once innocent church going Mwende in fat city styled haughty, was soon smoking filtered dunhill cigarettes, guzzling malt whisky, doing weed & moved to uppity Lavington suburb. I become a forelorn skeleton in her memoirs.
Ten years down the tube got her feet wet, she was a single mother needled by a Captain, and lady beautiful was no longer snazzy. The toil of late nights & party life frazzled her blunt.
She wanted boring Wuod Baba back, money she had, but misery she had in truck too. My heart was not buying in to be with this single frustrated mother. I had better fish to fry, who loves used goods anyway? Mwende was done & dusted, beyond her sell by date to be my mate.
Egg in my beer, I gave her a taste of her medicine too. Filthy lucre, elephant in the room all along, she had dallied in drug business as a mule, minted money & funding her a glitzy life.
Mwende ended up fired, ditched downhill a pale shadow of herself. Wet as a drowned rat today she loathes men to death, & blames them for her misfortune & me too. Mwende today lives for her daughter, became religious & joined the church choir in flier.
Hang loose my sisters, if you are foot loose & fancy free & desire a man that will mint you a future, search for that boring man that no woman is interested in.
Warm & fuzzy, the bore bloke is the one who will most likely jet you places, when the razzmatazz one is soaking dead in 6 ft under food for worms.
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