Age vs. Stage and ‘Figuring Out Life’

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I think in all the calls you’d pick from your school mates – or let’s just say people you studied with at the university – nothing prepares you for any of them calling you and asking how you found your purpose or how you discovered that you could do the things you are doing, because they have nothing in their hands and they want to learn from your pathways to figure out something for their lives.

See in my A-levels, the school I went to brought motivational speakers. Mom often gave me journals and notebooks but there is a specific journal I am looking for, mostly to laugh at myself for having thought that by 23, I would have bought a mansion already. 23 seemed like such a very big age and the motivational speakers powered up my nervous system for what was yet to come.

I don’t even know why I had not considered that at 23, I’ll just be waiting to graduate from Law School. There was no other dream really, but it never occurred to me that there is a possibility of things not working out – of not having money, let alone having no idea of what to do with my life.

I got a chance to taste what life after high school would look like. I had to come home to attend my eldest brother’s graduation. I only had one or two art papers left for me to do for my finals. But when I got home, that first morning I quickly realized that I was going to have 8 months of me waking up to do nothing – not even books to pretend to be revising – and that left me unsettled. I called my uncle and my uncle’s friend to get me something I could do.

By the time I went back for my final exams, I had secured a job at my uncle’s. I got home and only rested for a week.

When I got a taste of what it’s like to make money, I started bargaining to let me do my university from the Kampala campus so that I can still work. These people – call them haters – refused. Towards the end of Senior 6 vacation, Mom interested me in learning how to make jewellery, and that skill brought in money that supplemented the pocket money and got me by on many days.

I used to see things I could do. I’d run the ideas by mom and all she would ask was “what’s stopping you?” This must have subliminally instilled in me an attitude that I could do anything I set my mind on.

Me that you see here, I’ve sold branding items; sold plastic/rubber shoes; designed and sold jewelry (AMJ bijoux); sold art; I have planted and sold cabbages; completed my law degree and worked at a law firm for 6 years, all while I ran a cake and pastries business; pooling funds for Equate Foundation beneficiaries; running, recording and producing Hash Time with Nabuguzi Kiwanuka which eventually grew two extra arms (Thrivease & Mental Health Garage) to make mental health awareness make sense.

So when this university buddy called last year, I noticed quickly how different we are. I almost told him that perhaps I’m just one crazy person that wakes up with ideas and is ready to find ways of executing them, therefore, I cannot be the right person to guide him. He had called when I was in a meeting with someone so I promised to call back so that we could have a longer conversation even when I doubted I had anything offer.

I called days later and I noticed that this is someone without hobbies. Even after multiple retries, the Law Development Center (LDC) stage seemed impossible for him to pass. I checked again for anything that he could be interested in and there was nothing. I don’t remember clearly but it also looks like it’s his parents that decided what course he would study at the University.

Before our longer call, I had consulted a couple of people to guide me but they had no answers. I was hopeful that if I visited his thought process, I’d be able guide but there was nothing to build off of. I’ve heard of people who graduated from the universities and went on to job hunt for as long as 10 years but this case was totally different. It wasn’t just a job hunt but an inquiry into how to discover oneself and interests.

On the podcast, I once had an interview with my former schoolmate (S.1-S.4) in which she said even after the university, she didn’t know what kind of job she was going to do. I was quite alarmed and she added that for many people who do the BBA course, they don’t know what their life would dictate because the course is broad. This undid my imagination that by the time you choose an undergraduate course, you know what you want to do with your life. I also didn’t think that there was a possibility of someone not having a single monetizable idea that they would be interested in exploring.

This post draws me back to two things. My teenage dream to have sorted out my life at 23, and a former friend’s argument that at a certain age, someone should have figured out their life and healed all from their traumas.

I’ve seen kids younger than I am, have knowledge on things I had never heard of at their age. I’ve seen age mates own property I’m yet to own. I’ve seen classmates life has dealt bad cards. I’ve seen divorced youngins before I even marry. I’ve seen “kids” fighting over the paternity of their child before I even get the thought of having one kid.

I’ve made peace with the fact that age doesn’t necessarily decide the stage at which you would be at in life. That our paths are totally different. That where you feel like someone should have figured out a quarter of their life, they have not even started and don’t even have idea where to start. That at the time you feel like they should be half way, some are just restarting.

Wanja Kavengi‘s post about restarting her life at 36 is what has triggered this post and I pray for every one (myself too) at whatever stage, to get to achieve all they dream of and for those who are yet to figure out what they have to do with their life, my prayer is that you finally find something that sparks their curiosity.

Written by

Nabuguzi. Kiwanuka

Lawyer. Founder, Director, CEO at Equate Foundation. Podcaster - Hash Time with Nabuguzi Kiwanuka. Drawer. Dance lover. Music lover. Risk-taker. Daily learner.

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