I have a friend. She is young, pretty, brilliant and quite the overachiever. Currently she is studying while working, something she doesn’t have to do but which she does nevertheless because, that’s the kind of person she is. All in all Nalumansi (not the real name) is a pretty awesome person and I love her to bits. The problem though is she is what I would call, for lack of a better word, naïve when it comes to matters of love. Yes, Nalumansi has dated a few times but her naivety is brought about by the goodness of her soul. She has been hurt in the past but deep down, I think Nalumansi wants to believe that everyone has good intentions for her, just like she does for them, which as most people know is not always the case. Another special quality about Nalumansi is she is a virgin. That’s right. A virgin campuser. Not because of lack of opportunity, but by choice. Part of an endangered species dying breed of humans, if the sensationalists are to be believed. And she is determined to stay this way till marriage.
Now last night, I received about 20 messages from her in the space of about 2 minutes. Nalumansi does that a lot. Send a blast of messages that have you panicking thinking something really bad has happened. I mean, why else would anyone send that many messages without waiting for a reply? Most of the time, it’s just her excitement being transmitted through the phone about some random life event or the other. Plus her thumbs go to the gym every morning so they are very physically fit. But this time, something bad had actually happened.
The poor girl had just had her heart broken, so to say. Let me explain. See, Nalumansi takes long to fully trust people because she has reached that stage where you realise that people do not always wish you well. Her last trip into the murky world of relationships didn’t end so well and she has been protecting her delicate heart since then by avoiding relationships. She had finally decided to open one of the windows of her heart to give the world of love another chance. Unfortunately for Nalumansi, the individual she chose to give the opportunity to come in through this window turned out to be a douchebag of the highest degree.
Turns out, he and his friends had a bet that he would succeed in breaking the innocent girl’s virginity. So all this time, he was putting on airs, going to church, being a nice person, yet he had sinister intentions all along. Luckily for her, she found out about his twisted plot from a concerned friend. But she was still crushed because, you see, Nalumansi was actually thinking about opening her heart and committing to this wolf in a sheep’s skin. When she confronted him about it, the idiot was totally unapologetic and more or less told her to piss off if she didn’t want coz, ‘there are plenty of girls who are willing to give him some.’ Truer colours have never been revealed.
Now, before I go all holier-than-thou on ya’ll, let me first make a confession. In my days at campus, I made a bet with a friend on who would take down one of the prettier damsels around our campus first. I can’t confirm for a fact but I highly doubt she was a virgin. It was one of those hectic drinking nights and I don’t remember how the idea came up and who suggested it but I agreed to take part in it. A decision I am not particularly proud of. There was no money involved. If my memory serves me well, I believe it was a competition for who had better game. Apart from the occasional flirting, I never got around to seriously attempting to get into the chicks pants. My friend on the other hand might or might not have succeeded, considering he was in the same year and doing the same course as the girl. His odds were better. But if he did, he never came to claim bragging rights. Needless to say, I will not be making any more sex related bets ever again.
Great, confession time is done. Cue holier-than-thou persona. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU BET ON BREAKING A GIRL’S VIRGINITY??? What’s to be gained? What’s the recognition you get if you succeed? Epic asshole of the century? No? Coz it seems fitting! Sex with virgins is not even fun, IMHO. There is pain, and hesitation, and crying, and blood. Where is the fun in all that? I like to think of myself as a pretty open minded fella and one of the perks that comes with this is the ability to see both sides of the coin. From a douchebags point of view, I can see how this would be something worth bragging about. Yay, I am the man. I have de-virginated a great number of girls. I was the first for so many poor girls. I am a collector. Self-pat on the back. Tumbavu! I am tempted to say imagine if it was you but most guys probably can’t relate so I will settle with imagine if it was your sister. Or maybe you have a daughter in the future and she gets to be treated like this. But acts like this just stink of an unsettling lack of respect for women, family or otherwise. I tried to google for some psychology that would explain this behaviour but I came back empty handed. Maybe an expert will shed some light onto the matter in the comments.
In this ‘enlightened’ world we live in, there are all kinds of fetishes and it’s highly likely that is a thing for some people. I do not have a problem with you if this is the case. Go ahead, collect your flags. To each his own. If you have come to terms with the fact that your loins tend to prefer unexplored territory, go about your hunting in an open manner. Be direct about it and tell your potential victims that you like virgins for reasons A, B and C. You are bound to collect a few slaps of indignation along the way but I am sure you will get some willing virgin people to tap. If you are brave enough, create a reputation as the breaker of virginities. Take it a step further and even print and distribute a bunch of fliers. The girls who want their virginity broken without the associated emotional investment of the act may hopefully come flocking to you. But for fucks sake, don’t go around deceiving poor girls who are determined to keep their virginities, and for fuckity fucks sake, don’t bet on it. Just don’t.
I haven’t put a lot of thought in this theory but there are three types of virginity loss scenarios, for girls especially. There are those who look for the nearest candidate, woo him to their lair and proceed to unlock the safe so they can enjoy sex freely. I give this type serious respect and individual x with a virgin fetish should set out with this as his target market. The second type, which Nalumansi falls in, is the romantics who hold onto their virginity until they meet the one. This doesn’t always end well and some of the most terrible heartbreaks are as a result of losing your virginity this way. Others have gone on to marry the one and to those I say, well done. If you meet this type and are not prepared for the commitment required till they are ready to grant access to their unblemished goods, move on. Count your losses and move on. There is probably a special place in hell for guys who upset this type of virgin and you probably don’t want to risk finding out whether this is true the hard way. And don’t go around calling the names please. Respect their hustle. It is not a simple thing to pull off in this oversexed generation of ours. The third category is those who have their virginity taken forcefully. This is unfortunate and no one deserves this, virgin or not. Let us all have a moment of silence for those who have had to suffer through such a sad ordeal.
As for my friend, Nalumansi, I hope she recovers from this latest bump in life swiftly. Her future is surely bright and she shouldn’t waste her grief on such an undeserving lowlife. To the douche who was attempting to trivialise her virginity with a bet, you might have a good laugh about it with your friends over a beer and proceed to look for another virgin to traumatise but remember karma is a bitch.
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