Of late I’ve noticed lots of noise on the social networks about men’s rights, hinting that manhood is under threat. But I ask myself: who’s threatening our manhood? A growing number of vocal men (under popular hashtags such as #MRA and #MGTOW) seem to have zeroed in on the source of this threat: women. Well, at least women who differ with their opinions (and those of men who have become puppets of feminism – AKA #manginas).
Women the world throughout (whether or not under the banner of feminism) have been gaining more and more ground where it matters: political representation, recognition of their plight, career opportunities, shared parenthood, reproductive rights and a long list of etc. Some even say many so-called developed societies have in fact achieved an overbalance for women’s rights into what amounts to trampling on men’s rights and threatening the very fabric of society. And this is where these so-called warriors come in: they are here to alert us about the imminent doom of all things masculine. Although there are many banners (and a few independent minds), the most accepted labels are MGTOW (men going their own way) and MRA (male rights activists).
As a believer in individual freedoms I am naturally inclined to rebel against societal expectations, but I’m also weary of the intentions of anyone who wants to fight for my rights. In this case, shouldn’t I – a man- listen more carefully to the ideals and warnings espoused by these proponents? Why is it that all these warnings still sound like noise to me? Am I burying my head under the sand?
In a recent conversation I realized the answer has been staring at me from the get go: these manifestos, these ideals, these men, do not represent any notion of what I would call masculinity. When I first read the cover page of http://www.mgtow.com/ I expected to see positive, liberating, masculine messages and imagery; what I found was fear, bitterness, insecurity, need for validation (together with an image of some handcuffs).
The experience made me remember a passage in Game of Thrones where Tywin Lannister tells his grandson Joffrey: “any man who must say, ‘I am the king’ is no true king”.
If the so-called enemy is a growing body of women (and their mangina accomplices) lusting to take down all things male, well, they must be drooling in delight knowing that their opponents have cornered themselves in an echo-box of self-pity. If these warriors get their way, I fear, this generation will be left without any positive Male Role Models. Yeah: the kind of man who owned up to his responsibilities, who rolled up his sleeves and got shit done.
Call me old-fashioned, but my masculine role model wasn’t shouting about how we must all rebel against societal expectations: he was living it. He didn’t need us to feel sympathy for him, he didn’t argue for his rights nor complain about those who wanted to trample them: he asserted them and led by example by respecting those of others. He didn’t complain to others about emotional blackmail: he kept his own emotions under check. This older patriarch was not stigmatized by his dominant role as he seems to be nowadays, but neither was he looking for an easy life: he was too busy providing, protecting, defending and caring for what he considered important. And, though ruggedly masculine and never self-pitying, he was a man who would go at great lengths and peril to do whatever was right – many times in the name of his love for a woman (not his fear or loathing of her). Think of Casablanca’s Rick Blaine (interpreted by Humphrey Bogart). How I wish the men of my generation could be remembered as being this courageous in the face of societal, technological and environmental changes at paces never seen before.
Sadly, in the age of social networks we seem to be more and more represented by a generation of men who would rather hide behind a villain and blame their misfortune on the hunger of women. Of course, this is not merely a cause, but quite likely an effect. Those rugged men of the past didn’t have to experience untold levels of privacy violation and attention-whoring – even many classic masculine occupations such as espionage are no longer fulfilled by having cunning, physical prowess, seduction abilities and instincts, but rather by one single ability: systematic coding/data mining, which takes place in dark, air-conditioned cubicles where your biggest adventure is the traffic jam to get there (that is, if you don’t work from bed already). Maybe this powerlessness leads to frustration and by trying too hard to assert our rebellion against a fucked up system, all we do is focus on our fears. But, as men, are we looking for excuses for our behavior or are we going to roll up our sleeves and be the change we want to see? Every time I read men shaming women for having sex, shunning their 50% responsibility in a single mother’s child, looking to blame the victims of rape (not, of course, in the very small percentage of rapes happening to straight men) boasting about their sexual conquests (and in many cases about neglecting female sexual gratification in the process) I fear this is how manhood of the early XXI century will be remembered.
Is all hope lost?
Is there any positive way we can, once again, live like men and stand proud, hand-in-hand with the remaining half of our species, who have shown us an incredible amount of achievements in many arenas in the last century? I contend that these new circumstances, like any others in the past, are ripe opportunities for the taking. By those who take the bull by the horns and embrace the only constant in life: change. Who rather than fear or loathe women, join them in strength to build better partnerships, families, businesses, institutions, societies. As the proud father of a daughter, it’s the first time I’ve felt like I should’ve fathered a son, too.
For the men reading this: How helpful for your rights and opportunities do you think it is to repeat your grievances and recruit more young minds into causes like MGTOW? How truly are you going your own way when the banner itself is about MEN and not you, a man? (MGMOW) How can you begin your own journey as a man by being incessantly bothered by those who think differently? By needing of a following?
But more practically, if going your own way’ makes your life so much better, then why not just do it and enjoy the lifestyle? If you don’t need any women in your life why not just do without them and not make a big fuss? And if they threaten your very ability to do so, how reasonable is it to expect that the solution to your predicaments will come without listening to them and addressing their side of the deal? Maybe learn a thing or two from them?
Hey, but maybe I’m just being wishful and burying my head in the sand while there are women out there taking what’s mine. Poor me.
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“M.G.T.O.W – Men Going Their Own Way – is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: “No”. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a “man” is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. And, living according to his own best interests in a world which would rather he didn’t.”
The axe could drop after 1 year, 5 years, 20 years or more. Divorce can happen at any time – and if you’re the breadwinner – God help you cause you will get screwed badly. If you have two kids, 50-60% of your current assets and future income can be transferred to your now deeply hated X.
Grey divorce is the fastest growing sector of divorce. Marriage is at its lowest rate in a century. Married households now make up only 50% of all adult households. Fewer and fewer marry as time passes. Children from divorced/single parent households make up the majority of incarcerated, suicides, addicted, depressed, drop outs, etc and continue the cycle of despair, destruction and poverty into perpetuity.
All of this started with 2nd wave feminism and no-fault divorce (both of which are staunchly guarded, holy grails of feminism).
The answer for men? Go your own way. If you do get married, don’t think divorce won’t strike you at some point because you’re happily married at the moment. If you make it till death, God bless you and yours. A lot of divorces occur when a man’s peak earning output reduces significantly (lost jobs/layoffs) or upon/after retirement.
For men in the US, marriage is the quickest path to psychological, financial, legal, physical and spiritual doom. Marriage, when it ends up in divorce, does not make men live longer. Tens upon tens of millions of men’s lives have been destroyed in the past 40+ years by divorce. Tens of thousands of men commit suicide every year as a result of divorce. Divorce does not cause a spike in suicide for women. Millions of homeless, divorced men live on the streets. In 2012 alone, there were 2.4 million divorces. One year – 2.4 million divorces – the majority of which were filed by women. California has a 75% divorce rate.
Men pay the majority of taxes and the vast majority of alimony and child support. Women almost always get custody of “her kids” post divorce.
I’m personally not married and will remain single for life. I cannot justify destroying my life over the flip of a coin. Nevertheless, I consider marriage and family the most valuable things in life. It’s too bad that many like me will remain single for life due to fear of destruction through divorce. Nothing will change until the laws are modified to make marriage less of a potentially life threatening experience. The past 40+ years are proof that this will not happen – so things will only get worse.
The campus rape hysteria is simply a continuation of the rampant misadry so popular and prevalent within second wave and beyond feminism. Misandry is ever growing within academic circles – where women are the firm majority in terms of administration and enrollment. Feminist indoctrination gets more intense as women enter college. The government supports the misandry through pandering to women’s votes and hence supports to continual destruction of families and society as a whole. The rape statistics in use are utterly fraudulent. Read through the questions asked to determine how these statistics were flagrantly falsified. The statistics count those that claimed they were raped. The actual rape statistics show something like one in well over a thousand is raped. Underage boys are raped all of the time and men represent the majority of real rape victims.
If you are a mother with sons, teach them well what they most certainly will have to face. Please don’t let them go out into the world naive and gullible. If you do, there’s a very good chance their lives will be destroyed.
Since the passage of VAWA, there has been an enormous spike in false rape, false domestic violence and false workplace harassment charges. Know that your civil and constitutional rights as a man will be removed and you will be considered guilty until you can prove yourself innocent. In many cases, this will be impossible and you could easily face prison, termination and complete life destruction as a result. Know that your face and name will be plastered everywhere and your integrity and name will be permanently destroyed even if the allegations are proven to be false.
The civil and constitutional rights of men have been severely eroded over the past 40+ years thanks to the government pandering to women for votes. There’s actually a debtor’s prison policy for men that fail to keep up with their alimony and/or child support payments. You seriously go to jail for this, which is entirely unconstitutional.
If your wife cheats on you and divorces you, guess what? You still have to pay her alimony and child support. She will still get custody of the kids and she will use the children against you for the remainder of your life (parental alienation).
Personally, I think your article is a bit off the cuff and could use some serious research. I think if you look deeper into why MRAs and MGTOWs exist you’ll find very good reasons.
The reason we write online about these things is to inform other men of the potential dangers they might face. It’s akin to warning others about anything that might endanger their wellbeing. Nevertheless, I’m sure most just hope we shut up and go away.
Hell hath no wrath…
I can see how this could be interpreted as an attack on the causes of Men’s rights movements. It isn’t: it’s a critique on the types of men who advocate it and the effects of the same.
In general, I am weary of special interest groups (feminism included) because they use their power (or lack thereof) to promote myopic views, divisions and sometimes even trample the freedoms of others.
My personal observation is that the foundational grievances of both feminist and men’s rights movements have a lot of legitimacy. But the proof is in the pudding.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Well written article Igor. Soo much truth