Confessions #ugblogmonth

When I looked upon this topic in the Uganda blog month schedule, I was excited. 

“This would be my master piece,” i thought to myself. 

Carefully positioning myself as the bad boy on the muwado platform ?, my confession story had to be epic. However, this did not come to pass as the the perfectionist in me kicked in and had me repeat this article a million times. Until now, when I’ve miraculously found my big boy pants.

So, I am no saint. This is a tale basically chained to pain and regret. Shamefully, I have to admit that my confession can easily be summarized as Adam’s original sin; Trying to impress a hot babe who barely has interest in you. ?

Let me break it down. My first official comic was drawn when one fateful night, a pretty lady came up to me and asked,

“Are you Victor? The same one that draws comics?” ?

Obviously, in a desperate attempt to steal another Victor’s glory, I said, “yes,”?

“Could you please, draw for me one?”?

And once again, in a desperate attempt to stay ‘cool’, I said, “yes” ?

And that is how my first comic piece came to be. Brain Bro, originally meant to be a love story became a sci-fi piece loosely based off inception . 

She didn’t like it, but she tried her best to pretend she liked it. I will never forget that daughter of Eve.

Confession no. 2. I studied French in order to impress a girl who only spoke Portuguese. ? I know, it doesn’t make sense now, but it did then. Unfortunately, Madame Lola ghosted me before I finished the syllabus. Now am sad and alone with only a certificate for emotional comfort. What beats me about that whole fuss was that she lived in Portugal ? and that I was willing to bend head over tail for her.

Confession 3. I am currently in love. 

“With whom?” You ask. 

She’s called Zero Two. She is Japanese, has pink hair and short, red horns. For those who haven’t caught up yet, she’s an anime character. And yes, these are fictional in all sense. 

I know, what is a gloriously muscled hunk like me with bottomless charisma and charm doing with a fictional love affair? I don’t know. I just like to see her face on my screen.  I might regret posting this in a few years, won’t I? 

Confession 4. At the age of 12, I had my mind blown like a little oiled up popcorn. Caconed in the safe haven of a curtain wall deep in depth of the night, we dormitory boys of the poor house cubicle chatted the night away. Isaac, being the great story teller he was, gazed upon our dazed eyes with satisfaction.    

“My brother can get a new phone every week, his girlfriend buys them for him,”

All that echoed in my mind as the words sank in was, how amazing this guy was. Having grown up with plenty of sisters, I knew that getting anything out of a babe aside from a heartfelt, “bambiii,” was quite the hustle.

The words screwed further and further into my head playing like a broken record. And at that very moment, I Victor The Muchwezi decided he’d be a ‘player’ (For those unfamiliar with the term, it can be explained as an early 21st century fuck boy). Fast forward to senior four, when Jesus Christ kinda started making sense, not only because of my need to pass UACE exams but also because I witnessed an exorcism?

 What happened is that we explored the book of Luke. In this scripture, Jesus pretty much complicated my life. Basically, he said that checking out a hot mamasita was now also considered adultery . Then that ladies and gentlemen is when I officially became paranoid.

Later that year, I declared my feelings to the girl of my dreams and she accepted me ?. I was so terrified that I chocked and broke up with her later that week ?. 

?? Putting aside, my need for a psychological help, let’s get on to my last confession.

During this lock down, I attended the Uganda Blog class. In this class, the need for a niche was emphasized when setting up a stable blog. 

For those unfamiliar with the term, it can best be explained as a theme. What will your blog constantly talk about? 

For a long time I’ve had none. All I’ve done lately is make up stories about my personal life. If I continued down this road, I’d be married to my fictional wife by the end of the year. So, I needed a good niche and I needed it fast. 

Having failed to come to some form of short sighted resolution I went on a vibing spree that lasted a couple of weeks before I being slapped so hard with rejection. 

I came back to my senses. ( I swear, pretty ladies may be the death of me) . After flaunting a bit of Will Smith lines to a lovely senorita, she told me to GO GET A LIFE.  I know, harsh right?

This got me to ask the one damned question that haunted me the first time I kissed a girl, “What the hell am I doing?” ???

I am a successful writer with a fan base of approximately 3 people including my mum ?. I didn’t have the time to pamper these ladies with my sweet ‘nothings’. I had a world to conquer and approximately 3 people to give wordgasms. 

So I took to my heels and started mindlessly editing and redrawing the Brain Bro comic. I’ll be posting the first issue on Monday ?

 For now, to all those facing the same issues as me. In love with a hot fictional character, facing relationship anxiety, aching with the curse of the over achiever, I’d like to remind you that you are not alone. ? Stay strong.

Thank you to all the dearest readers, and to the darlings that have pushed my life forward. The chances that you’ll read this article are close to zero, but you deserve a nicely wrapped bottle of soda. 

I’d not be the man I am today if it was not for my un-quenchable libido.