Shadreck Chikoti
Do you remember long time ago how you used to long for your partner? When they were away, you felt so empty. You couldn’t eat sometimes. You couldn’t do things properly. Your head couldn’t function because they were away.
And when they were around you, you had so much joy. You’d lay on their chest. Everything they said was music to your ears. You dropped everything and gave them attention voluntarily.
Do you remember how you used to buy him shirts, underwear and sugarcane? Not because he asked you, not because he lacked those things, but that part inside you just prompted you to do that.
Do you remember how you used to kiss her each time you met? The flowers you used to buy and how you felt inside? How her radiant face made you feel like you were the only only ones on this planet? That was love.
Love is a living thing. It invokes emotions. It compels you to do things without being forced.
But today, she’s asking you, “Where is the love? Why don’t you kiss me anymore? Why don’t you buy things for me anymore?” And you don’t feel she deserves that now, because she has done things.
Somehow you resent her because you feel she doesn’t respect you as a man, and you’ve been saying this for the past years, but she doesn’t listen. You think she resents you also, she gives that, “this is irritating and boring talk,” mood when you are talking to her sometimes and you just leave and go away to find peace somewhere, she doesn’t regard you as man enough, she’s more attached to the children than you, she’s always on her phone, she doesn’t care about your health, she stopped cooking for you, only relying on the maid, she’s always out with her friends and you think, she thinks that she knows better than you but can’t say.
Same with you, because he says things that make you angry and boil inside, he’s always hiding his phone, he no longer listens to you, he’s always sidelining you in decision-making, he always talks about his money and his contributions to the family, as if you don’t contribute. He treats you as if you are dumb, he is always taking the side of his people. Sometimes he shouts at you, does not listen to you, he thinks he is always right, he never considers your side of issues and you don’t like his presence when he does that. He has done things that make you think he doesn’t deserve that love anymore.
Love is a hole inside us. When we open that hole to other things, they start piling up in that space that is supposed to be occupied by love, and little by little, displace it, like water in a glass that is displaced by the pouring in of sand. Most of the time, love displaced never comes back. It gets spilled out. And that space becomes smaller and smaller and smaller.
That’s when it becomes difficult to do the things you used to do for your partner, because those things were not being forced, were not being coached, were not being practiced – they were coming from that space now filled with other things. Some fill it with cheating, others with money, others with children, others turn to sports, travel, drugs, alcohol, friends, and other alternatives.
And now, because the glass is half full or close to empty, sometimes even empty, it is difficult to do those things again with a genuine heart. So, you have to force them. And so, you have to ask, “You don’t kiss me no more, you don’t hold me no more, you don’t laugh with me no more,” because that space has been filled by other things.
Do you remember how you used to love them? How you used to cry for them?
Do you think it’s possible to go back?
This post was created with our nice and easy submission form. Create your post!
