#RolexInMozambique Well, almost.

I booked my bus ticket out of Harare for Monday morning. You want to avoid travelling on your weekend days. Also, pacing. Inter-country buses tend to be punctual, apart from our Classic friends so far, so I was at the bus stop by 5.30 in the morning for the 6 am departure. I was in a Trip-Trans Bus to Malawi through Mozambique. I’d read about it from another traveller’s blog and liked the idea of passing through Mozambique and seeing the Northern side which I would otherwise miss when going through my intended route of the capital for official duty. I also wanted to spend at least one night in Blantyre where this particular bus was stopping, a city I’d heard had great vibes and scenery, before proceeding to Lilongwe.

Every other country had several buses leaving every hour but this was the only one doing this route. This should have been a red flag but I’m colour blind. My pastor cab guy prayed for me after dropping me off and we set off on time. I’d heard a lot about the rocky and mountainous Easter side of Zimbabwe from my Harare hosts so I was very attentive for that too. This side of Zimbabwe had plenty of irrigation going on as well so more green.

But there are only so many rocks you can look at so sleep took over eventualy. We arrived at the border after a 3-hour drive, the Zimbabwe side was cleared quickly, and then we were on the Mozambique side. My turn came and after observing my passport, I was asked to step aside. Apparently, I should have applied online for the visa. I did the Google search I was supposed to have done before setting off and luckily, my visa was on arrival for my Uganda passport. Phew. Upon further reading, the visa wasn’t free. It was all of $150. Why you like this, Mozambique? Why are you being an enemy of progress for the African Free Continental Trade Area? While I was still processing the visa cost, they hit me with there was no electricity so I’d have to wait till it came on and they could run their computers to put me in the system. Cho! But if I wanted faster service, I could buy fuel for the generator and they work on my things. Yamawe!

The bus guys weren’t going to wait for me so they refunded me half my fare and proceeded on their way. I did some quick math and realised it’d cost me less than the visa to pass through Zambia to get to Malawi. The border fixer for the bus agreed with my plan and walked me back to the Zimbabwe side. His job was to make sure all passengers and luggage were sorted. Mozambique, we’d collide another time. For now, I’d just managed to breathe in your air.

The Zimbabwe side gave me extra days in my visa to allow me to transit, no stress. Mozambique, be in class. The fixer then took me to his vehicle and drove me back to the border town where I got the only minibus visible in the environs back to Harare. I thanked the fixer, we exchanged numbers – so he could check on my progress, and in case I ever wanted to pass goods via that border – and off we went. Like Zambia, the matatus here have high roofs which makes them much more comfortable to travel in. They have trailers for the luggage. It also had a screen showing Zimbabwe Christian music. And as is standard with matatus that don’t have fixed schedules like the buses, there were many stops to drop off and pick up passengers. Overloading is also a constant.

We made it back to Harare and I was just in time to catch the 4 pm bus to Lusaka. As I mentioned, routes to other neighbouring countries have multiple buses departing every hour. We got to the Chirundu Zimbabwe-Zambia around 9 pm. A 5-hour trip. The border officials here didn’t disturb me at all. They did have their health checks but didn’t ask for any of that cholera and tuberculosis vaccine stuff that their colleagues up North insisted on. I told them I was transiting to Malawi and they gave me 10 days. Don’t they go to the same training school…the other guys must have been the noise makers in class. I got a Zambian sim card this time because I wasn’t ready to take a bet on roaming. I checked online to see if the Malawi border might have surprises too and Google reassured me they were AFCTA compliant.

Because of the Zambia policy against buses and trucks moving at night, we moved into the country a small distance and stopped at a nearby town to wait for 4 am. Some of the passengers settled in to sleep at a nearby building that looked like a classroom, others stayed in the bus to sleep and I joined the focused ones at a nearby bar. Some bought drinks and started hanging out while I plugged in my laptop to work. Remote work pro! 4 am arrived and we set off for Lusaka. That stretch took 3 hours and we pulled into the bus station at 7 am.

The one daily direct bus to Malawi, Zambia-Malawi Bus, sets off at 4 am so I’d missed that one. I didn’t want to spend the night in Lusaka so I’d have to take a bus to Chipata near the border and then find another vehicle to take me to Lilongwe. I followed the guy at the gate who had given me this information and bought a ticket from the first bus they took me to that was supposed to leave in 30 minutes—amateur mistake. I blame fatigue. I should have explored options. I reached the bus and it was old and empty. I asked the conductor to be frank and he said it’d leave around 10.30. That’d mean reaching Lilongwe at night. There was no refund. I watched with sadness as 2 other buses actually leaving at 7.30 left me behind. Don’t use Zebrakiss Buses. Instead of sitting in the bus waiting for it to fill up, I went to the Levi Mall to pass the time. The escalators were still not working.

We eventually set off and Google Maps told me we’d be at the border in 8 hours.  That would be around 7 pm. Border to Lilongwe was approximately 3 hours so I’d be there by 10 pm. I could work with that. I had too much hope in Zebrakiss though.  What’s that name even? The gu bus stopped so many times we reached Chipata at 11 pm. There’s no way I was going to attempt to get to Lilongwe that late.

A Chipata lady I consulted on the bus offered to share her cab and help me find accommodation for the night. She was coming back home after visiting Lusaka because her sister was being funny in administering their late mum’s properties. Family squabbles are universal. There must have been something happening in the town because we were like Joseph on Christmas. I managed to get the last available room at the 3rd place we tried. I bade her goodnight and settled in for a much-needed rest.

I wanted to finish my money so I asked for a late checkout after getting breakfast and enjoyed the bed some more. They had a pool so some laps also went down to stretch the body. I was ready now ready to finish the journey. Chipata is actually not the small town I was expecting. They even have a Protea. The area is a tourism hotspot. Hopefully, I’d be back to explore it more when I wasn’t on schedule. I got a tiny car taxi to the border and almost cried when I saw the direct Zambi-Malawi Bus for that day pass us just after I’d entered the small car. Then I remembered border clearance takes a while so I’d find the bus still there. At least I’d ride into Lilongwe comfortably.

The border itself looked new and fresh and it was hustle free. The Malawi side didn’t ask for any vaccination documents and stamped my passport with a smile. They were already living up to their warm heart of Africa label. Mozambique, pick a leaf from your neighbours, please.