Oburungi Bwirizayo
What are you guilty of? Do you become too needy, too clingy, too fragile in your relationships? Are you of a dominant personality, do you huff and puff and terrorize your partner into submission and conformity until they leave you? Are you wasteful, untidy, quarrelsome? What are your vices?
Do not ask or expect another person to “love you for who you are”, as we like to selfishly hope. Do not deliver your dreadfully flawed self as an investment in another person’s life and expect or demand that they pay back with pure love, loyalty and an everlasting commitment.
By nature, we are who we are. How we manage the characters that we found ourselves possessing is entirely on us. The good news is that character is absolutely coachable. It isn’t an easy process or one that ends three months in. It’s a lifetime journey. Refuse the allure of getting comfortable with who you are today, when you can be better.
How do you do it? First, you identify and own up. You make a list of your five worst habits and traits. Start there. When you are feeling victorious over those, extend the list and keep going. If you don’t know, if it’s an option, reach out to your exes that you can still find and who will still talk to you. Exes know all your bad habits. Especially if they left you because of them.
The words “am not perfect” should never be used as an excuse to subject your partner or the people around you to your vices and inadequacies. “Am not perfect” should also never be used as an explanation for why you fell short of what was expected of you.
It’s so terribly easy to be a good person; to be less imperfect than most people. It takes, on the other hand, a great amount of strength to take a long, hard look at yourself with brutal honesty and come face to face with the worst parts of you.
“I’m not perfect”, should only ever be used as an opening statement to the phrase, “But I apologize, I should have handled that better. Am working on myself.” Peace.
