Friendships

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I’ve watched friendships that I’ve had for over 15 years grow into things I never dreamed of. Some friendships were perhaps never meant to be, and if at all I was attentive and honest in my teenage years, maybe they shouldn’t even have crossed over into my 20s to scar me in ways that have me hyper alert the moment I hear some names.

I didn’t even realize how scarred I was until I noticed that even after 6 years of not talking to this girl, just hearing her name had me feeling like potential danger is around the corner.

I’ve watched other friendships going from just sharing a class desk, class notes, gweke and even apeta to contending with life’s responsibilities and family wounds. Being each other’s source of comfort, even in silence.

There are specific people that came to the hospital every single evening after their hours of work, when Mom was hospitalized. I don’t remember us talking much but they came and just sat there. I did not have any expectations and yet in reality, if at all I came out of the dark season without having seen them, our relationship would have grown stale. Not out of anger but a sense of unfamiliarity.

I used to validate people who called out people for not stepping up for them, but I never really understood the real emotions behind it until I found myself trying to figure out where to begin with people that felt distant in memory. Going from talking to someone almost every day, declaring love for each other. You’re slowly descending into oblivion. You long to hear their voice again for a sense of sanity but they’re nowhere. It then hits you that you’re alone. Sometimes not just entirely on your own, but rather a recognition of missing branches of a tree you thought you grew.

Yesterday I sat on a call with a friend. God knows I wanted to end the call and continue working, but I asked myself why I would glorify work more than a human relationship that I would also seek in time of need.

You see that “I don’t owe anyone anything”? That attitude is the very reason why loneliness is one of the things killing us. We’re forgetting to invest in communities and are running after vibes and inshallah, but where shall you go when you cry for help?