Src: Second Chance Support

Why Can’t We Take Selfies In Front Of Parliament?

So this happened.

I was taking a phone photo of the independence day engraving on the wall of parliament with my phone, which is excellent and expensive and takes great pictures, and really, any institution of state, any arm of government should consider itself privileged to be snapped by such an awesome phone.

Then a cop swaggered up and told me taking photos of parliament is not allowed.

This is today’s lesson folks. Remember it well. Parliament stupidity extends further than the chambers where the MPs mouth-fart at each other. It is broad and wide and reaches even the cops at the gate, contaminating them as well. If you value your brains, don’t go anywhere near parliament.

In fact, this explains the WhatsApp message we have been seeing which, amidst tales of tiregas and other shows of woeful subliteracy threatens:

“NOTE2: NO LECTURES THAT DAY COMPLETELY all students whether from kikumikumi,kikoni,wadegeya,nakulabye will picked from their hostels, we don’t want cowardism, it will be  a one way match to parliament as we wing our own wewewewee songs to show our annoyance over these mpigs.”

Yeah. Basically, they are going to force you to fight for right to self determination even if you want to determine not to fight.

But seriously, mbu you can’t take photos of parliament. Schuped nochenz bomboclart what the fuck. That is not a question.

You think nobody should see what parliament looks like? Is it a secret?


Every day there are dozens of photos of parliament exposed to the whole nation. We see them in New Vision, in Monitor, in Observer, Even Big Eye can decide to get in on the action.

There are more pictures on TV. Urban, Bukedde, NTV, NBS, WBS if it still exists, ABS amidst the stripteasing, all the UBCs, everywhere, even BBC, Al Jazeera, VOA on the days when our parliament is particularly outrageous.

You think that you can prevent the visual record of the sight of parliament from being electronically stored or conveyed or shared by refusing me to take a picture with my phone?

Schuped baboondonkeh.

Even if I can’t take a photo with my camera, I can just google image search “Parliament of Uganda” and have hundreds of photos deliver themselves to my phone in seconds. So what have you prevented, what have you protected, what have you achieved?

You think people don’t know what parliament looks like? Everyone with a smartphone has seen it this week. It was on whatsapp and facebook and twitter. We all saw Betty Nambooze, (hereafter known as Betty of the house Nambooze, mother of dragons, dragon herself, the Khaleesi, breaker of chains, The Red Hood, reigning champion of the internet) She kicked ass into splinters via that viral video clip, so if you think prohibiting me from taking a photo of a wall of parliament is going to prevent mine or any phone seeing parliament, you really need to check in for a vasectomy cos all the energy is going to your nutsack and you are not getting enough for the brain. You need to cut the balls off. It’s for your own good.

Yes, this applies to female cops too. It’s a metaphorical nutsack.

Stupidity doesn’t stop inside parliament, where they treat the constitution like a rolex wrapping paper, vote that more money be given to them so that they can drive in the next week in new cars to vote for more money, and, I have to use the term again because it is too accurate to have only one utterance, mouthfart at each other, but it spreads out to the gates.

Why? Is the wall of parliament pornographic? I heard them passing laws against taking pornographic pictures.

No. Apparently there is an old law from colonial times when we were nothing but crude, savage, primitive niggers with no human agency and were not worthy to gaze upon the august House of Laws with our filthy nigger eyeballs.

Now there is a cop actually enforcing that law. And that is what shows that we are the problem with the nation. We sit and blame gavumenti. We blame Umeme. We blame everyone. Kumbe, the last part was the correct one. Every other Ugandan is to blame. It’s the air that they exhale that contaminates the culture. That is why we are like this.

We are don’t have democracy in us yet. We have not learned the culture, the mindset, the basic instincts that bear democracy out of a people.

I saw this clip of an irked MP saying, “I’m a member of parliament, I deserve to be respected,” and threw up a previously very delicious pizza.

As an MP you have been party to dozens of atrocious breaches of integrity, abuses of intelligence, profanities and insults thrust into the face of the Ugandan people. Some MPs may deserve respect,  (Because they wore a red hoodie and did the single most kickass thing Uganda has had all year long. Or because they are Bobi Wine) but as a whole, Parliament is a waste, a disappointment; it is not a joke, it is what a joke with a running stomach uses to wipes its ass.

All that and also the fact that you guys are about to bugger the constitution and sell us all up the river.

As an MP, if by “I am a Member of Parliament; I deserve to be respected”  you mean “I stand here in the name of the institution of MPs as a whole”, what you deserve, actually, is contempt.

There is the problem. We don’t have the right culture. Ministers and MPs still believe that they deserve respect merely because they are in government. They think they are better than us. They feel they are more worthy. They think we should call them “honourable” even when they have done nothing of honour. They think we should get out of the way when their police escort bleats its sirens at us at in gridlocked traffic jams as if they couldn’t a) legislate for better road systems and protect us from UNRA embezzlements, b) drive smaller cars c) be fucking patient and wait like grown-up human beings instead of wailing like toddlers.

They don’t get that they are in the public service, the civil service. They are our servants. They are beholden to us. They are the ones supposed to treat us, the Ugandan people as a whole, with respect.

And this damp cock-dropping of an attitude doesn’t just stop with the MPs, even the police who are assigned to stand at the gate, those whose job is the simple, unintellectual, so-easy-a-four-year-old could-do-it task of looking at a card and then either lowering or raising stick, and maybe once in a blue moon calling better police to come and help if a car without the right card tried to smash through, these ones also think they are some sort of demigods. Even though they can’t even do that petty little job of theirs properly, considering the number of yellow pigs that have infiltrated the parliament premises lately.

These ones also, instead of appreciating the fact that their job the safety and security of citizens, instead of that, they imagine that they are Chitauri warriors and that the uniform obliges them to bully citizens around with archaic, useless laws.


That is the problem. The big man syndrome doesn’t stop at the top. That’s only as high as it goes. It seeps downwards to the roots, the lowest point of government. The roots are contaminated. The roots are sick. The roots are diseased.

Current generation, you can uproot this thing. Uganda can’t have a democracy with a feudal mindset. But you youngins have not yet developed an entrenched mindset. So try and get yourselves accustomed to the ideal that you are citizens of a republic, not subjects of a big man. That the government owes you, and that you own it. That there is no “big man”, and that every person who thinks so should be cut down to size.

And one last thing. #Togikwatako


Written by Ernest Bazanye

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