Janet Nandutu
It’s 17th August 2023 and it’s supposed to be that time of the month but, nothing. I decide to do a test for pregnancy and, guess what, I am pregnant. It’s a bit early, my baby is not yet two, but okay.
I am not completely surprised as I hadn’t been on contraception. I go to the hospital and do a scan but it’s not visible on scan yet. My heart is racing. I keep it to my self. I hoped to tell him after the six month mark after knowing the gender cause I want a son, and I know he would really like that. Every thing is okay.
It’s the weekend, it’s 22nd of August 2023, five days after I find out about the pregnancy. He hands me his phone. I was trying to browse something and it kept auto correcting to something like “I love you” and my heart skips a beat at this point. He nolonger text’s me like at all so am like, who is he texting I love you? I ask about it immediately but hes like nobody. I am not conviced so I go through his messages and find a text that says “Am missing you already”. I ask him about it and he’s like, I am just flirting. This doesn’t sit well with me.
I get this lady’s number and I call her. She’s rude and defensive and I know something is really wrong. I don’t drop it and we keep fighting about it. We go back and fourth and he says, “if you don’t leave I will leave”. This conversation is happening when we are almost home. We reach home and we just keep quiet cause we don’t want the kids to hear us fighting.
After this fight I decide to tell him about the pregnancy cause if we are breaking up he should know. I tell him if he doesn’t want it, I could terminate as it early and it will actually be easy and he’s like no, leave the pregnancy. I didn’t terminate the pregnancy but I was hurt knowing he was cheating and was willing to break our family just like that.
Now I grew up in a typical nuclear family and I don’t believe in blended families. Meanwhile, he was raised by his brother and grew up with his step daughter’s.
There’s no apology or remorse he’s just like I didn’t cheat I was just flirting. There’s so much pain in my heart as I write this I don’t know how to continue.
October rolls around and am supposed to go to Malaysia for like a week. He pays for my plane tickets, I go to Malaysia and I just decide to let go of this conflict and so it wasn’t resolved.
November comes around, I hit the eighteen weeks and I do a scan and guess what – it’s a boy, just like we wanted. I am happy. I am dealing with minor problems caused by pregnancy but I am managing.
December comes around, kids go for Christmas and we remain alone
Now, no Christmas for my parents.
No presents.
No Christmas for me.
Nothing.
The excuse am given is he’s paying off debt he got when I went to Malaysia, am like okay.
He’s having calls he doesn’t want me to hear. There’s this particular incident where he was on the phone, when I came he hung up and turned off the phone and later deleted the call logs. No I am on edge again
On 23rd December he went somewhere, lied about where he went, spent the night and came back the next day on 24 December 2023.
It’s January, he doesn’t want to come home, he would rather sit at the trading centre till mid night. I don’t know what’s going on. There’s this particular weekend when he came home at 3:00am, at 1:00am and midnight consecutively. Work end’s at 5:00pm, the excuse is he’s out with the boys.
I go to the village to pick our daughter who had gone for Christmas. I check on my people and I came back on a Monday. We are intimate on Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday he goes to work and doesn’t come back till Sunday and am told another lie.
I requested a WhatsApp video call and he refused, cause he was probably not where he said he was. I am so hurt by this and I just can’t let it go. We fight over this so much that we end up signing a separation agreement. I am six months pregnant at this point.
The Baganda have a saying “zikusoka ne zitakuva mabega”. Of everything I had been through, I thought my sad days had passed, that the storm was over. Boy was I wrong.
The following days were filled with the pain of betrayal, all my hopes and dreams down the drain.
He didn’t ever feel the baby in my womb play.
He didn’t ask how the doctors appointment went. Every day was like walking through the fog unable to see.
The journey was lonely and hard experiencing long days and nights as I developed scar tenderness.
When it was 37 weeks 5 days, I realised I couldn’t make it to the EDD, the pain had intensified. I decided to have the baby early. I packed up, had my self admitted and had the baby on 4th of April 2024. My Joey Austin was born. After nine long years, a son had been born to me but I why wasn’t happy. Nothing felt good, I was in excruciating pain after the surgery with a splitting headache out of this world. He was happy for the child who had been born but he struggled to take care of me with visible disdain on his face.
I was later discharged, he went back to work and I was on my own with a new born and toddler. I begged him to take annual leave but no.
I bled so much due to having to cook so early.
I mourned for if only he had been faithfully we would have been happy. I had completed the hard part, God had been faithful.
Now what do I do, do I stay, do I leave? I have no money at this point. I have no job. I can’t leave them behind and I can’t just forget about everything he did and didn’t even apologise. Forgiveness should be for those who seek it
Every thing I did, all the pain I endured was for NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
Where do I go from here, some one please tell me.
LIFE CONTINUES, BUT LIFE WITH OUT LOVE IS NOT WORTH LIVING.
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