What you should know when you are going Bungee Jumping

You’ve seen those pictures, yea? Of people soaring through the air, faces rapturous, arms outspread, bodies looking oddly relaxed as they hurtle through empty space, their only claim to safety being a somewhat thick (and hairy) rope. For a time, I had no idea what they were doing, and then I googled and found out.

Why do people go bungee jumping? Because adrenaline is one hell of a drug.

I went Bungee jumping recently. I did it because of this thing I have, a bucket list, that instructs me to do odd and sometimes dangerous things. Many people have one and according to a statistic I just made up (that must be at least 50% true), bungee jumping appears on 90% of all bucket lists in existence. That’s right. Surrendering your life and its longevity to a harness, a rope and the muscled bungee master; this is one of the most desired activities in the world.

Because I am all kinds of lucky, I have a deal with a tour company that gives me free trips in exchange for a bit of PR here and there. Their name is Sabili Tours and they’re passionate about getting young Ugandans to tour Uganda. They also want you to engage in the stuff that tourists flock here to do, like jumping off high ledges ( a la lemmings), and white water rafting (a la salmons). And Kayaking( a la kayakers).

Why do people go bungee jumping? Because the higher the number of jumps you say you have made, the more likely you are to get laid

This actually happens. I met a man called John at Adrift- the jumping place in Jinja. To work off our nervous energy as we climbed the stairs to the launch plank (44 meters above the ground), we started to exchange stories. When he mentioned that he was traveling around Africa with the goal of jumping from every bungeeing point he could find, he immediately became cute. And not just cute, overwhelmingly sexy; like 2face Idibia, but more powerful. This attraction probably had something to do with the fact that I thought I was going to die, you know. Because after the jump, he became normal. Perhaps his charisma fell off him and drowned in the Nile.

Why do people go bungee jumping? To laugh at amateurs

Unlike my sister (and everybody else on that day), I jumped badly. You are encouraged to dive head first into the air. Haha! I love my brain too much to do such a thing. So I jumped legs first. First of all, I looked like an idiot.

Secondly, my face.

Third, my intestines were extremely unhappy. You know that feeling when you meet a guy you like(ish) and your intestines start blushing in a tickly fluttery way? That happened, but to the power of ten million. Because of the way the rope is designed, my body was violently whipped upside down

and then to top everything off, I was dunked into the water.

BUT! The fun didn’t end there. Thanks to the force of my fall, I bounced back up about 5 times and then had two men poke at me with an oar, ordering me to grab on so that I could stabilize enough to be pulled to safety. I have never cursed so much, you guys. What kind of violence had I just experienced? And why?  For what sincerely?

Why do people go bungee jumping? Because sometimes, boobs.

One of the girls in our group made the unfortunate decision to wear a rather lose swimming costume + booty shorts for her jump. She was such a lovely person and didn’t deserve what she got. When she jumped, her boobs also jumped. They swung happily to and fro, enjoying the lovely breeze and winking at the oar men. Those were some nice boobs, and I would have totally understood it if the girl had wanted to keep a picture for future enjoyment. What truly truly angered me was that the photoman at adrift refused to delete those pictures, or surrender them to her. Come on, now. Who tries to cite “company policy” when a person’s breasts are involved? Idiots.

Bungee jumping isn’t something I would do again because I believe that violence and suffering should only come to those who deserve it. I’m too nice for that shit.

On a serious note, that high was so massive. I buzzed with energy and confidence for over a week!

Oh I must quote my sister. She said, “I am a lady Hercules! I no longer fear chickens! That stuff that happened during prom? Who cares? I just bungee jumped!” So yea. Massive ego boost.