TRY NOT TO COLLAPSE

Being an artist is the best yet worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. And I am going to take you through why I think so.

Being an artist is such a terrible thing because you have to skin yourself alive if that’s what it should take to maintain your audience. You have to feel no matter what, because you can’t create if you don’t feel, and people need you to create.

When you’re not doing okay, you can’t have a casual conversation about it… You must put it in a poem, and have someone buy that poem, read it and compliment your pain.

It’s always business, each and every single expression within you must be on sale, you can’t afford to use your issues to bond with friends like other normal people do, no!…

My former manager once told me that “if you feel heartbroken, write it down, don’t call your best friend to rant about it. That’s wastage of content”

To her, being an artist meant that your entire life’s story is content.

That sounds okay to those who don’t know what it means to feel like your emotions have a price tag on them. It sounds okay to those who don’t know how it feels to get paid for hurting, by people who don’t even know you’re hurting. People who shouldn’t know how serious that trauma you wrote about is. Because if they get to really know the seriousness behind it, it will become a bit uncomfortable for them to watch you perform it on stage, so you’re advised to put in some satire.

I can’t count how many people come to me to talk about things that really press them and actually come out of the conversation feeling better, because I tell them exactly what they need to hear. Because I know what it would feel like if they didn’t get to hear those things from anyone. Being an artist means being available for everyone’s emotions except your own.

My ex always told me that she loved how I always knew exactly what to say and how to fix us. I doubt she knows how many times I wish she had said some things, how many times I wished she hadn’t made me be the only one saying things to fix us. I wish she knew how much fixing us broke me.

But being an artist means fixing things that shutter your soul, fixing anything that is broken as long as it’s right in front of you. Being an artist kills parts of me inside every single day!…

But you see, being a known artist is the most amazing thing that could ever happen to anyone. Because all those feelings you put up for sale, are bought by people who desperately need to heal. And nothing is more fulfilling than a fan reaching out to you about a piece you wrote and how it put them through depression. During this covid, so many people have lost their loved ones (I have lost 4 people so far between June and now, the most recent being 31st August early morning)

I don’t even talk about it because I don’t have anyone to listen. I figured out how to grieve each loss as I prepare for the next.

I can not count how many contacts have reached out to me with testimonies of how my poetry about my dead mother has helped them through their grief. It’s insanely beautiful and you can only understand if you are me or like me!

Being a known artist is such a great thing because all you have to do is keep feeling, and then a life out there will have a better day. Each time I step on stage is another awesome day to keep someone else alive, not necessarily myself. But some life out there (remember when we fought for Racheal Nabukwasi’s life and actually won?)

Now that is everything I would ever wish for.

Years have now gone by, and here I am… Being everything I once faked. And it’s very overwhelming what one goes through to create on-demand (yes I do create on-demand, it’s not only Kanye West going through this demand thing)

But why am I telling you all this?

Well, I don’t know either. Only that I have been doing poetry for 5 years now and I will be celebrating this milestone on 19th of September in a one-man show titled “TRY NOT TO COLLAPSE”….

These 5 years have been one hell of a bumpy ride, I have made soooo many enemies, I have made exactly 3 ex-lovers and I have made a looot of friends. It has been painful, joyous, I have made a lot of losses and damn, I have really made some wins. I have gotten diseases that will someday take me off the stage for such a long while, and eventually take me off the Earth at once. I have paid my medical Insurance that I wouldn’t have afforded if it weren’t for poetry, I have cried for stage managers to let me perform on their stages, I have been chased out of home for choosing poetry (made me homeless for months) I have tried to kill myself because of what some people said about my poetry, I have stopped people from killing themselves without having to ever meet them, but only because of what I wrote about. I have been a topic in rumours and yes, I did attract some haters too.

So on 19th September, I am celebrating all the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly of being ME!

AND I am calling upon everyone who has ever believed in me to come and support my new transformation, but I am advising you to “TRY NOT TO COLLAPSE” as I take you through an emotional journey where I might get you lost in a void or bring you back safely.

All details are on the poster.

So if you ever loved my poetry for any reason, kindly share this post, and repost the poster for me!

Then hopefully, I’ll see you there on the BIG DAY!