MIREMBE MARY
A few months into my various scheduled therapy sessions with Dr Raymond, different aspects of my life were tackled and on this particular session, matters of the heart were being dissected.
I went ahead to express to him how I was struggling with the extreme feeling of loneliness. There was a part of my life which craved being loved, someone to deeply talk to, a level of companionship that I believed would help to mend a certain part of my heart that had grown wider and emptier over the years. Dr Raymond listened patiently and attentively, which I loved about him because he made me feel understood. To him every single thought and concern about me mattered and I believe that is why he was exceptional at his job.
I brought up an observation about my love life to him where when I reached a certain age, I noticed that the men who were drawn to me were Married. Initially, I thought they were confused guys seeking a thrill but when I bumped into my third relationship, I wondered whether my destiny was to end up as the other chick on the side even when I most definitely could feel my mother rolling in her grave with anger for wrecking another woman’s marriage.
She herself was a victim and ended up raising us as a single mother, scars that she took to her grave. It broke my heart never seeing my mother recover from the disappointment my father caused when he left us for another woman.
I was 18 years old when it happened, fresh from high school and hoping to have a father figure to stir me into this new phase called adulthood but he was never present. Sometimes I wonder whether 90% of the wreckles adult life I lived was because I was looking for a specific kind of love that I was deprived of from my father.
My most complicated relationship with a married man that I shared with my therapist during this therapy session, was that with Peter (Not real name). Ours started as a very innocent work friendship. Our energies seemed to align in a scary and fast way. I started to look forward to seeing him everyday, something about him captivated my energy. Our daily conversations via Skype while in office, the songs he used to dedicate to me, the reporting any sort of technical difficulty so that he could come to my desk and fix it was all thrilling.
During that same period also in my life, I was battling the feeling of being unfulfilled with the kind of career path I was on. Since I was getting older, there was more I wanted to do with my life, to be involved in work that had a positive impact on vulnerable people’s lives.
After consulting with a few people here and there, I decided to resign from my job to pursue a path I was passionate about. I will forever be proud of the decision I made because eventually I found that passion.
When all this was happening, Peter wasn’t in office for a couple of weeks. He had that phase in his life where he would disappear and focus on work engagements, his contacts would be off too so by the time he came back in office, I was gone.
My mother was extremely disappointed with my decision to resign from my job because as a parent, she believed having an office job was the best job security her daughter needed. Me on the other hand, was miserable and hated waking up everyday to sit behind a desk doing the same old crap. This resignation also created a bitter relationship between my mother so in order to avoid the tense energy in the house, I decided to relocate to my grandmothers place temporarily as I worked on a plan B. This same grandmother who passed away in 2018.
A few weeks later, as I was enjoying my daily morning routine of taking fresh milk from my Jajas cows, I received a random incoming phone call, picked up and there he was on the other side of the line.
Him: Hi is this Mary?
Me: Yes. Who am I speaking to?
Him: This is Peter, I came back to the Office and I was told that you left.
For some interesting reason, this conversation re-ignited the effortless chemistry that me and him had. I loved the fact that he seemed to care about what happened in my life and maybe that is why I fell in love with him in the first place.
He requested to see me which was a bit complicated since I was now staying in Nansana with my beloved Jaja but me being the thrill seeker that I was, I asked him to come to Nansana to see how badly he meant wanting to see me and he did actually drive all the way that day.
When I first lay my eyes on him, an unusual wave of excitement hit me as we hugged,him innocently and gently placing his arm around my waist, also accidentally reviving my forgotten womanly body senses .He came with a mission, to spend a full day with me and me being the extremely hopeless romantic, I agreed and off we went.
The details of that day will forever be stored in my memory because it had been a while since I had experienced that kind effortless happiness.
While I soaked it all in, he drove me back to my jaja’s in the evening. He walked me to the garage door, politely asked if he could kiss me (of course I said yes duuuuh ), leaned over and kissed me. The moment was just right,the same moment which also marked the beginning of our affair which I didn’t know of till later when I was in so deep.
I however finished narrating the story to my therapist and while I was beginning to get all emotional, he paused an interesting question. “Mary when was the last time you had sex. Not your hit and run kind but GOOD SEX?” Me feeling shy and embarrassed because this was a random question,I boldly with no ounce of shame said a year ago and the answer almost gave him a heart attack. “Now I understand”, he said.
Ladies and gentlemen, my therapist after listening to my close to a Telemundo-worthy story concluded that I needed sex.
“There are days when someone needs an outlet to release certain toxins, emotions, and when it is done right, it can act as a form of relief. That kind of intimate body syncing that will help with your overwhelming feeling of loneliness” He assured me.
My problem however with this new suggestion was I was single at the moment, wasn’t the sleeping around type either and that is how I had involuntarily developed impenetrable cobwebs ‘down there’ for a year in the first place.
Dr. Raymond said that the sex wasn’t going to cure my depression but after this particular session, he believed “I NEEDED IT”. That was the first exercise he gave me. “Mary go and have sex. That is my prescription for today”
After ending my session, I walked back home slowly to reflect on which someone’s lucky son I was going to bless with my prescribed horn reliever. I actually had a legitimate reason to have sex, I thought.
When I reached home, I dusted off my ‘no strings attached’ previous contacts and boom, a suitable party was sourced. Believe it or not, I actually followed Dr Raymond’s advice and this gentleman made my body feel things I had evidently forgotten existed. The first time I ever shed tears out of passion. We were up till 4am in our own world. I had someone to talk to that night and it felt damn good. Being the dedicated patient that I was, I took a decent picture as evidence for my therapist for our next session.
When going through depression, I came to learn that different activities can help soothe some symptoms which trigger it. If reading does wonders for you, listening to music, taking long walks, spiritual meditation, writing, painting, cooking, attending social gatherings, or talking about it with a professional like I did, something to keep your mind constructively occupied, please do it.
Choose to get out of your comfort zone and help your body fight those creeping dark thoughts. My therapist identified sex that one-time after a session and it actually distracted my thoughts of loneliness. Anything to give your mind, body and soul a feeling of being accepted, understood and appreciated is worth it so don’t be afraid of venturing into new and sometimes unconventional grounds.
This post was created with our nice and easy submission form. Create your post!
