The Circle Of Healing

It was on that mellow, sunny evening, when the golden-yellow light of the setting orange sun filled every conceivable space around him, that Axel had only a faint comprehension of how long he had spent at the Rehab Clinic. Eight weeks had flown by just like that. The seemingly apt revelation was triggered by the entry of a new member into the group that sat in a circle on wooden, squeaky chairs in the middle of a glass-walled room filled with broken egos and ailing expectations.

The revelation symbolized how far Axel had come since his first day at the Rehab Clinic. However, it also brought back grotesque memories of the pitiable state during his initiation—memories he seemed to have pushed to the back of his mind but now tumbled into his conscious mind like an avalanche of glaciers in the Alps, threatening to carry him with them to a deep, dark abyss.

Axel remembered the first session at the clinic like it was a few minutes ago, and it now filled him with a tremulous fear he never thought possible. He recalled his timid self eight weeks ago and nearly dropped a tear. It was on a frigid morning, soon after Axel was checked out of a month-long hospital stay, where he had been treated for wounds sustained in a bar brawl that had left him holding on for dear life.

He had walked through the doors of the clinic, accompanied by his mother, who had secured a spot for him due to her long-standing relationship with the proprietor of the clinic, psychologist Mr. Jeffrey, a family friend. The request for his admission had always been made with much appealing and guilt-tripping that never saw success. It was an invitation Axel never honored until it dawned on him how much his drinking affected his mother after she was ostracized from the church meetings she loved because of her son’s seemingly unbecoming conduct.

The rumors had made it untenable for her to hold the church leadership position in a setting that fiercely espoused staunch family values. It would have been fine if it was only himself who was treated with accusatory looks that reeked of disdain, but he felt his mother didn’t deserve to suffer for his sins, and he had made the vow to get help.

Now Axel had gotten better, sitting in the circle of healing, staring intently at the new member he noticed coiling himself in a seat at the furthest end of the circle before being beseeched by the counselor. “Come closer and take up the seat prepared for you,” the counselor encouraged him. He sauntered timidly, with the mannerisms of a chameleon trying to drown in its surroundings in a futile attempt to avoid detection.

“Tell us about yourself,” the counselor further encouraged. “I’m… De… re… k,” he stammered embarrassingly. “Yes, Derek,” the counselor nodded approvingly. “Be free to tell us about yourself, then the others can follow suit. We would all love to know about you.” Derek mumbled inaudibly at the start, then picked up confidence along the way.

Axel’s mind had now wandered off. The group therapy sessions were held in a serene setting whose beauty Axel had only begun basking in. Through the massive wall-to-wall glass, one saw the field of crown grass that ended at the clear water stream beyond which was a forest of trees. The setting sun shining through canopies and crevices seemed to linger on for long, seemingly not too keen to be swallowed up behind the trees.

He looked back at the group that now had fourteen members; they all sat in a circle, unshackled and unpretentious, young men and women who had lived troubled lives and were now taking the bold step to seek help. The counselor was encouraging, shepherding, and captaining them through the tumultuous waters of addiction.

The cool, gentle breeze fizzing through the door was heavenly, but not for everyone, because it occasionally sent a chill through Derek, who was small-bodied and most likely suffered from withdrawals. It didn’t skip the notice of the nurse, who repeatedly glanced at him like some spy.

“Where is your mind?” voiced an echo that got Axel out of his reverie. It was a familiar voice. He turned from staring at the forest and saw that it was Queen. “Sorry, what did you say?” Axel murmured. “Where had you gone a few seconds ago?” Queen asked again. “Nowhere,” he said strongly.

The counselor heard the murmuring and didn’t hide his frustration with the pair. “Axel and Queen? If you both have anything to share, then we would all love to hear it, if you don’t mind,” the counselor said sarcastically, maintaining his gaze on the pair, which evoked untoward attention from the group, eliciting embarrassment from Axel and Queen, who avoided eye contact with the fatherly counselor.

“There is nothing,” Axel said feebly. The counselor released them for a break, after which he would make his final remarks for the evening. Axel and Queen had been admitted to the clinic on the same day, and their unusual friendship was struck up due to a sworn secret.

On Axel’s way to the dormitories, he found Queen bootlegging like it was the 1930s, smuggling alcohol into the rehab clinic. However, they didn’t speak initially. They subsequently met in the group, and the tension was palpable at first, with Axel a tad disgusted that Queen would disrespect the sanctity of the clinic.

Seven days later, Queen gathered the courage to walk up to Axel and explain herself. She admitted her actions and explained that she smuggled the alcohol for an older man who was blackmailing her, threatening to expose her former life as a sex worker on a street where he was a banker, but was also admitted to the rehab clinic.

Axel soon got the man kicked out of the rehab clinic when he reported to Dr. Jeffrey and freed Queen from his grasp. Since then, the pair had struck up an unusual friendship, to the dismay of the counselor, who found trouble getting them to pay attention during the group sessions.

It had only been a week ago that the counselor allowed them to sit together again since it would be their last week at the clinic. “What is going to happen to us?” Queen asked Axel in a concerned tone during the break. “What do you mean?” Axel replied.

“Our treatment ends tomorrow, and so does our time here,” Queen explained. “Do you reckon we will overcome our demons out there in the ‘freedom’ which I fear could turn into my ‘prison’?” Axel was dumbfounded; he had avoided the topic of their impending departure but couldn’t ignore Queen’s concerns.

“I don’t know,” Axel replied, almost inaudible as they stood over the water dispenser. “We will need to do well to make sure we don’t slump back to our old ways.” “At least we have each other,” Queen said. “It’s something I didn’t have when I got here.”

Axel smiled heartily before they were interrupted by Derek. “Hey…Axel,” Derek spoke timidly, “I overheard from the others that you’ll be leaving tomorrow, and I couldn’t resist the chance to talk to you, seeing you’ve gone through something I’m just beginning.”

Derek seemed to go on endlessly speaking, and he was a stark contrast from the timid boy Axel had seen in the group. “This is Queen,” Axel started. “I know,” Derek said, “I was attentive when she introduced herself to the group.”

Turning to Queen, he added, “I’m sorry if it looks like I was ignoring you.” “Don’t sweat it,” Queen quickly said. “I will be taking a stroll as you guys get to know each other.” “I will join you shortly,” Axel said. “Okay,” Queen chuckled and left.

Axel turned to Derek and looked him straight in the eye. “Look, I can’t say much since I haven’t been sober too long, so I won’t pretend to advise you. But I can tell you one thing: it will get worse before it gets better, and only your inner strength can carry you through.”

Derek smiled sheepishly and sauntered away from Axel. Derek was a lanky, skinny man who glided as he walked, as though he floated in air. He had a presence about him, even when timidity reared its ugly head.

However, in the last thirty minutes, Axel had seen Derek’s confidence grow, and he was now acquainted with many in the group. Axel saw him laugh and joke with the rest before reconvening for the counselor’s final remarks.

The last group session for Axel seemed to have given him answers to questions he had at the start on his first day, questions like why they sat in a circle and not any other shape. He didn’t know, but at the time, he may have posited a theory during his internal dialogue that it was one of those subconscious things done without any pretext, say like yawning when one saw someone else yawning.

But then he felt that a more plausible reason had come to him as a sort of epiphany. It sounded pretentious and maybe grandiose when he culminated on it. Axel posited that a circle can pass as a poster symbol for connection and equality because all points on a circle are the same—a neutral center—and everyone else seated at the same distance from it.

The center, a sort of podium anyone can rise to if they have something to say. In the circle, they talked about life, they talked about failure, and they talked about desires and dreams. Oh, and they flirted a little too. But contrary to what they endeared as the intents and purposes of the group, there were no easy answers; they were not looking for speeches to make them happy or give them that tinge of warmth.

Sadly, he had found that none were optimistic because they had given up on the idea of happiness. For everyone, life had become a laborious routine, and they knew they would go psychotic if they didn’t talk these things through. It’s the oneness of the group that always did the trick.

Even when he now sounded logical, it still baffled Axel how well it worked when everything else failed. It was the moment when one put themselves in another person’s shoes because more often than not, one found that they had a lot in common and that they were fighting the same demons.

The sharing had its calming effect, like it was something nature demanded and rewarded. Axel posited that, after a while, if he asked any of the people in the circle if they would be anywhere else besides the group, the answer would have most likely been no.

And why? Firstly, because life outside the circle was hard, and everyone was under pressure to get their act together and repeatedly failed. The circle protected them, and for a couple of hours, they could be themselves.

“Now we have some members who will be leaving us, having successfully completed their treatment,” the counselor said. “I would wish that they would speak to us and give us their parting words as we wish them well outside.”

“Come on, Queen, you start, and then Axel will follow.” “Can she speak for both of us?” Axel joked. “She does a capable job at that.” “No, Axel, you both speak to the group.”

Queen stood up and straightened out the wrinkles on her dress in a nervous action that followed her rubbing her fingers. “I was cranky when I came here,” Queen said. “I hated everyone. I thought the withdrawals would kill me.”

After a couple of days, I tried to escape, and Axel brought me back and convinced me that this place was worth it, and no one has ever been more right. Your stories and camaraderie have done wonders for me, and I will forever be grateful.” Queen was applauded.

“Axel?” the counselor called. “I knew she would speak for the both of us, but since you insist, I will say my piece nonetheless,” Axel began. “I came here eight weeks ago, but it wasn’t for myself; it was for my mother.”

I was tired of making her life miserable. I thought I would lay low for a few weeks while here, just to make her happy, having given up on myself long ago. Axel paused, reflecting on his journey.

“But I’ve seen your smiles, I’ve shared your troubles, and I couldn’t have been happier swimming this channel of addiction with a wonderful group of people like you. I leave with a tinge of sadness, contrary to what I thought I would feel when I started here.”

“But now I will miss you. And I’m going to work twice as hard so that I will live long enough to see all of you win this fight.” The sun set quickly, casting a warm orange glow over the room.

When it dipped below the horizon, the darkness set in, and Axel returned to the dormitories. He knew he would be fearful again, for that was the last time he would be part of the group.

The circle that had defined his life for eight weeks was now releasing him back into the world. He felt vulnerable, exposed to the dark forces that had once consumed him.

As Axel closed his eyes that night, he hoped he would have enough strength to fight back. After all, unexpected things happen.