1. Talking dirty about one’s partner to them has only one outcome; you’ll be crowned enemy in all your gossipy glory. Samantha, if you don’t like my partner, don’t pretend to like me either.
2. You might think your partner isn’t active on social media because he never posts anything, but honey, he’s very active in every girl’s DMs. Don’t be fooled. One time some dude even told his chic not to tag him in their family photos or those of their kids because he claimed his kids would get kidnapped. Dude just didn’t want his sidepieces knowing that he had a family.
3. Those guys on social media going after every Jane, Harriet, Samantha and Rose are actually walking around with deadly diseases that they are willing to transmit at no fee. Yes, HIV/AIDS is alive and well and it’s spreading like a wildfire in this social media generation. You’ll only learn at their funerals the true cause of their death as your own stomach starts crawling with all manner of discomfort since you served this same bugger raw goods. Test your partners before you engage in any manner of association. It’ll save you and your parents a truckload of tears.
4. Young girls on social media are constantly comparing themselves to older women completely disregarding the fact that these older women have many years of hustle over them. Calm down, work hard and all will come to you in due time.
5. The internet judges like it’s Deputy Jesus. Most internet judges are living helpless miserable lives away from social media. Jobless, borrowing endlessly, abusive relationships, deadly diseases, dysfunctional families and depressed. But heck, misery loves company so they like to spread it. It’s never personal. They see in you what they’ll never be. So they project their endless insecurities on you. People who aren’t even allowed to give any input in their own family meetings will also want to come to social media and want to have an opinion about your life. Ssekamatte, please take several seats and reflect on your own life that’s spiralling out of control and work on yourself.
6. Not everyone who says they’re your friend are REALLY your friend. Your enemies know so much about you because you tell your friends too much. Some people come into your life just to lurk and know how you run things so that they can have what to share in their WhatsApp groups. Learn to smell bullshit from a mile away.
7. Everybody has ups and downs. Life is no straight line. Endeavour to never throw your own frustrations at others. Nobody is responsible for your situation. You are responsible for your situation. Tokuba Bantu nakku yo priz. Everybody is dealing with something.
8. Not all advice you receive from family and friends is good for you. Learn to sieve. You are the only one who’ll deal with the consequences of your decisions. Ultimately, you’re on your own.
9. Entitlement is a disease. Let it not engulf you.
10. Mere words from anybody mean nothing. Watch their actions like a hawk and it’s only then that you’ll know who they truly are. This generation has mastered the art of spinning tall tales about themselves. Don’t be caught up in these deceitful webs.
11. Your home is a sanctuary. Give it the respect it deserves by not welcoming everybody into it. People carry around all sorts of bad energies which will cause chaos in your life. Sanctify your home and build an invisible fortress around it for bad energy to bounce off like harmful bacteria.
12. It’s pointless to hate on people. You’ll never gain anything from it save for bad luck in your own life. People are living very fortified lives and all the bad energy you send out constantly will bounce back to you tenfold. Beware.
13. You are busy taking online relationship advice every day from Sekyanzi. Away from Social media, his marriage is in shambles. He has two pregnant side chicks and his wife just found out he has a 2-year-old girl with his co-worker, Sandra. He has never paid a dime in school fees for his twins. His wife just took out 2 different loans to complete the family house, pay fees and feed the family. He has five failed businesses up his sleeve and blames the entire world for his misfortune. He has never sat down to consider that maybe his lack of patience, inconsistency and philandering ways are detrimental to his businesses and are wrecking his family. Instead, he comes onto social media every day and preaches about how not to trust women. You cheer him on and take notes.
And then there’s Samson and his Bestie Peter. Samson is always encouraging Peter to have multiple relationships with women of all calibres.
“Ma man Pete, life is too short to look away from bummylicious women…hit it whenever you can..you need to try out all these tribes…they all taste different ma man. Take it from an old G”, he encourages.
Unknown to Peter, Samson has been on ARVs for the past 10 years. He has no viable source of income, no prospects and the only thing under his belt is the list of conquests or women he has managed to lay. He’s behind 10 months in rent and just this morning, his landlord sent him an eviction notice. He has several loans with almost all the loan sharks in town and is barely getting by. Meanwhile, Peter is young and full of vitality, well bred, has a promising job and thinks that he’ll be able to fit in the cool boys club by being a cassanova. So he follows Samson’s prompts like a puppy. Digging his own grave with every step.
I’ll come back with more…
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