SINGLENESS : ABSTRACT

Think “academics”…because I really want to sound wise. (See vanity!) More importantly, I would like to run a Bikozulu-ish series on the subject…

According to a line from this article, “Society, especially the church and families, should clearly trace where the problem is. Are they grooming marriage materials before we blame our products for delaying/failing to get married? It’s too bad that even the names given to the same situation call for more marginalisation. We need to be a tolerant society that does not scrutinise someone over their marital status.”

Eyii…. banange, of the articles on not-yet-marriedness that have been in our papers of late…this one was “wakili-kko” but also had some interesting undertones. I think these are Freudian slips proper. Quite reflective of what’s been ingrained in us.

On a whole, I liked your article in this past Saturday’s Monitor, Ms Carol Nyangoma Mukisa. Thank you!

So…to “tracing the problem”….

Let me start with some “personal” context as a member of society ?

I am single. Actually, celibate. Yes, there’s a distinction. A woman. A Christian.  This topic is very dear to my heart. Also…I have been “toying” with the idea of a hysterectomy recently due to endometriosis and fibroids problems.This makes me even less “marriageable” as it makes me less child-bearing-able.

That’s part of the context you should work with. Also – banange – I am not bitter! Eh.. Uh huh. No, neither am I angry. (See the defensiveness?) And yes, I am rethinking feminism but not totally divorced from it. Yet! This is only context. Stay kku mulwamwa. Context is everything! Think of me as a happy, older and single woman. I know it’s hard. But try!

Conversations on any relationship are my cuppa tea. Siblings, friends, lovers, crushes, families…all that. I love relationships! I am so invested in quality and healthy relationships. As you can imagine…this has caused me grief. Both as the receiver and giver of it. Nonetheless…I have been doing my homework on relationships since my late teens. It pays!! But also…God is just good!! Before I get carried away…let me return to the specific topic at hand.

Singleness!!! Ho….singlesness above 30!!

Below is what I hope to discuss weekly in the “series”…

1. Singleness is A Gift:  Celebrate Not Tolerate.

1.5.  Women and Men: Different Dynamics

2. Singleness: A season or Life

3. Singleness: Theory and Practice of it

4. Singleness: Unlearn peut-être?

5. Conclusion:  A Question of Identity?

It’s true this COVID-19 has amplified our “feeling” single and yes, it can be lonely. But loneliness isn’t a preserve of the singles even if we are quick to think so. It’s a human thing. We are made for community and yet being in community has never equalled truly belonging! It should…but hey, it’s a broken world!!

I have been reading and having these conversations. Also observing life. Obviously one gains greater and hopefully a wiser perspective as they get older. Hopefully, we can question what we believe, unlearn, relearn and just plain listen and learn from one another.

I really hope we can have some interactive and level-headed conversations on this subject.

No…this is not a treatise on singleness. It sure is an attempt!!

Let me end this kind-of-beginning in a Chadwick Boseman-y way…

To be single, over 30 and……(fill in whatever else)!!!! ??‍♀️