I am alot happier in this life now. But still there is the nagging anxiety that the time doth pass by too fast, and I am unable to fit everything that I want to do, to experience, to achieve, to change into the fleeting seconds.
Ohhh, to be young again..Never, not me! Perhaps just to see my departed father again and hug him tightly. That is the only reason I would want to be young again, to hug him with all my heart.
My childhood should have been blissful, when I look back, but the weight of responsibility on my shoulders as first-born to a first generation rural-urban migrant from deepest Kanungu was heavy. Not because my parents made it thus, but listening to his stories of survival, education and life during the colonial into post-colonial Uganda made him my hero. I dared not disappoint this legend. I miss him.
I wonder what he would think of the man I have become. I am very sure, just like then, he would say I am not dong the best I can, I can do better! And I daresay, a lot of what he tried to teach me is just now sinking into my head, over 12 years since he passed on. But perhaps if I knew and understood then all that I know now, my life would be different today. It would definitely not be littered with scars. No regrets, but quite a number of scars.
Me thinks this is why I still have the drive to do as much as possible in these few, unknown years that I have been given. Eat life with a big spoon. Take risks, meet people,. Do good! I miss you, dad. And I will honour you through my life by never giving up on trying to be the best and complete version of MYSELF that I can be. I will keep pushing upwards with all my heart, to raise the ceiling of social achievement just like you set a high one for me and my siblings.
Forwards ever, backwards never!