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Rumblings on failure…

It never gets easier, does it?
The failing, picking oneself up and moving forward.

Recently I failed at something I had been working on for two whole years. The disappointment and shock of it all got me thinking long and hard about all those times I had failed before in life, and wondering why it didn’t get easier with time and experience.

I thought about that time twenty years ago when I failed to get the final exam result I wanted despite getting a perfect score in the mock exam.

The sting of the tears on my cheeks felt as fresh now as they did back then. Somehow, it felt like not much had changed.

I remembered scoring poorly in my previously best done subjects, the ridicule of missing points in what should have been obvious wins.

I considered the number of retakes I had done throughout the various levels of education, and the extra years spent in pursuit of academic excellence.

It didn’t get any easier with the job market. All the letters starting, ‘we regret to inform you’..whether for jobs or scholarships applied for came to mind.

No matter of inspirational talks to ‘fail forward’ or that ‘rejection was delay not denial’ could cheer me up.I was exhausted from this part of the human experience.

Every time I’ve failed it’s felt like something has chipped away at my heart and soul. Never mind the self doubt, the questions of fate and destiny, having to break the bad news to all that wished me success in my endeavours and the constant wondering if I surely gave my best.

What does one do if one’s best is simply not good enough?

Does accepting failure and rejection get easier as life goes on?

How does one find the courage to try again without getting depressed?

How much failure can a human being absorb without retreating to their shell?

Does failure indeed build character?

I wonder…

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Written by Kirabo Turinawe (0)

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