Remembering my mom

In my primary school days, I had a crush on a girl who was older than me. It was evident that proposing to her was out of the question, and besides, I was only around nine years old at the time. As young boys often do, I had my own fantasies, and I knew that having a girlfriend at that age was nothing more than a distant dream. Nonetheless, I wanted to impress my friends, so I concocted a tale about falling in love with this girl and receiving a letter from her accepting my proposal. It was all a ruse, but I took it a step further by crafting a letter in a girl’s handwriting, written in Chichewa, declaring her acceptance of my proposal.

My friends were taken aback by my supposed conquest, but when I revealed the truth, they burst out laughing at the absurdity of my fabrication. I took the letter home and discarded it in the toilet, but it refused to flush. I didn’t linger to find out what would happen next.

The problem arose when I discovered that I had carelessly thrown the letter away in my mom’s bedroom. When she stumbled upon it, she was livid. She assumed that I was getting entangled with girls at an alarmingly young age, which she feared would jeopardize my future. She summoned me and demanded an explanation, but I assured her it was merely a jest. However, she was unconvinced by my words, and the girl’s handwriting only served to fuel her skepticism. As a result, I faced the full force of her wrath. She gave me a thorough beating. How she took out the letter from the toilet is a discussion for another day.

On that day, I caught a glimpse of a side of my mom that I had never seen before – a fierce and unyielding anger, reserved for the most egregious of offenses.

Fast-forward to my college days, I recall sitting at a table in our house, eating and lost in thought. My mom was gazing at me, and when I asked her why, she smiled warmly and said, ‘I just can’t believe it. You’re such a handsome young man, and you’re my son.’ Her eyes shone with pride as she continued, ‘I’m so proud of you, and I’m proud of the man you’ve become.’

Another incident that comes to mind is my encounter with a Korean friend, a talented artist and writer who was conducting research in Malawi. We would often meet at her mother’s restaurant in town to discuss art and writing. Almost every time we met, her mother would remark on my small ears, commenting on how tiny they were. One day, I mustered the courage to ask my friend why her mother was always fixated on my ears. She revealed that her mother was trying to discourage her from falling in love with me. I was taken aback and asked why she would think that, as we were just friends. My friend simply shrugged and said, ‘I don’t know, it’s a mother’s thing.’ She suspected that her mother might have been worried that our friendship could blossom into something more.

Although I was disappointed by her mother’s attitude, I shared a story with my friend about why comments about my ears never bothered me. When I was young, I came home in tears, complaining to my mom that my friends were teasing me about my small ears. My mom looked at me with unwavering conviction and said, ‘No, your ears are one of the most beautiful things on your body.’ Her words were laced with sincerity, and I could see the genuine admiration in her eyes. She went on to say that the people who were mocking me were ugly and jealous of my good looks. Her words had a profound impact on me, and I never let anyone’s comments about my ears affect my self-esteem.

All these stories serve as a testament to the profound influence my mom had on my life. She instilled in me confidence, encouragement, and a sense of self-worth, making me feel like a capable and handsome young man. She laid the foundation upon which I built my identity, and I grew up satisfied with my environment, my parents, and the provisions I had. I grew up with an unshakeable confidence, believing that there was nobody else on this planet like me.

I would like to take a moment to remember my mom, who is now in heaven. Thank you, Mom, for being such an extraordinary influence in my life. You built a man, and I will forever be grateful for that. Rest in power.