Not today

Today was a bad good day.

Or so I thought.

See, today I had to make the tough call between walking away from a relationship I have worked so hard on or staying in it and cursing for my silly mistake. I walked away. Fast!

I wanted to call you to tell you all about it but I had no airtime and my battery was running low. It was 21:00hrs.

Crying in the middle of the street was not an option. I still had to maintain my street cred yo! Inside, I was broken. When they said truth hurts, they did not mention that it hurt the teller and tellee. (Is tellee a word?)

21:05hrs: I am on a bike doing that silent howl that helps when it is hurting. It was hurting bad. Really really bad. I was shaken from my core. I wanted the bike to turn around so that I can run into his arms and tell him I was sorry and walking away was not an option. But my pride would not let me. So I cried – silently.

21:15hrs: I am standing at the gate. Mom just called asking where I was and why I sounded funny. I lied I had gotten a cold. Well that sorted out the puffy eyes and sniffling, but what about my broken heart.

21:17hrs: Fina is asking me why I have been crying. Normally, I would be quick to retort with some nonsense and sarcasm but not today. Today I feel like I have been flogged emotionally and left to in the sun for too long. The concern in her voice undoes me. I retreat to my bedroom and lock the door. I sit in the dark and resume my silent howls.

“Iwe Rusii! Open the door! We don’t lock doors in this house!!!” mother dearest is banging on my door. I can’t face her. Not like this. Not today.

BANG! BANK! BANG! “Rusiii Ainomugisha Rutoza! Open my door!”

Oh no! Dad was home! Surely when it rains it pours! Wasn’t he due to return tomorrow? Did I get the dates wrong?

I groaned inside.

I grabbed a pillow and screamed in it. I felt better… ok perhaps a few more screams will ease the pain. “Aaargh!” The pillow smelt of you cologne from that stupid thing I did of spraying on your cologne so that it feels like you are in my bed. Who did that? I did that.

More tears. I have lost track of time.

Mom and dad are shouting outside my door. Dad is saying something about unmarried women committing more suicide these days.

I roll my eyes in the dark! I think the melodrama comes from him. If only he knew what was wrong. Not tonight. Not today.

I get my phone from my bag. 12 missed calls from dad. 20 from mom. None from you.

I text dad, “Sorry dad. Will explain. Not today.”