Banio Nobert
Watching the sad video of the girl who burned herself because her parents transferred her from the school where her boyfriend was left me thinking.
Many similar cases are happening across Uganda and Africa at large. Perhaps, there is a much deeper issue in our society that needs more attention than ever.
I am not claiming that what I have written below is her story. No.
I hold the opinion that many of us, both young and mature, struggle with self-identity issues.
We struggle with the idea of whether we are really good enough or not. We grew up in homes where we were rarely told how much we were loved or celebrated. In fact, we were often insulted by those we believed owed us love and attention. A hunger for validation remains unquenched.
So, whoever tries to make us feel special, we can’t easily accept being detached from. There is a part of us that doubts if we can find such attention again. This fear keeps many people in toxic relationships. Why? Because, subconsciously, we think that’s all we deserve.
Our self-esteem and confidence have been fractured by a series of experiences, from childhood throughout our lives to the current level – from insults to abandonment, broken relationships, job loss, failure, etc. Many people haven’t recovered from some of the traumas they carry. While some are aware that they carry unhealed wounds, the majority aren’t aware.
This is partly why we ensure that the sessions during the Boys to Men Mentorship Camps, and even public Masterclasses for adults (both genders), start with the concept of personal mastery.
I believe that every one of us, young and old, should be able to answer questions around:
– Who am I?
– Why am I on earth?
– What abilities do I have in terms of talents, gifts, passions, and skills?
– What goals do I have?
– What strategies have I developed to achieve them?
– Which self-limiting beliefs and behaviors do I need to recognize within myself and work to overcome?
– How do I develop better emotional intelligence, resilience, and regulation?
Parents and schools have a lot to do in increasing access to mentoring, coaching, and counseling services that enable young people to heal, love themselves, and reduce the need for external validation.
The good news is that this is possible if we commit to making it happen. You are free to share this with others.
Written by:
Banio Luiji Nobert
Coach | Speaker | Trainer
+256-775-495-431
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