MANY MEN ARE SUFFERING SILENTLY

Over the weekend, I encountered a situation that highlighted an often-overlooked issue in our society. A gentleman approached me, He liked my ideas and requested a meeting with his wife, who he described as having many beautiful ideas of her own and thinks that her meeting me will make her ideas and dreams come true. I agreed, proposing we meet on Tuesday. However, the next day, I received a message from him that struck a chord deep within me. He wrote, “Thanks, Joel. I’m sorry, sir, my lady is not willing that we meet you because you are meant to meet successful people who have something at hand, not people like me who are failures and seem not to know what we want in life. You are too big for me, and so I should not waste your time.” This message made me to become so emotional and moved me to tears, revealing the profound sense of inadequacy and failure some men feel and are suffering silently.

The Silent Struggle

Many men are silently suffering, facing emotional and psychological turmoil without voicing their pain. The societal expectation for men to be strong, stoic providers can lead to a reluctance to admit struggles or ask for help. The fear of being mocked or seen as weak further silences them. This suppression can have dire consequences, with men often dying younger due to unaddressed mental health issues. Sometimes we wonder why some men fear to come home early. Many end up in bars and drinking heavily then come home past midnight just to try to forget their troubles, but does that even work?

Culturally and perhaps biologically, men have been cast in the role of family providers. When this role is reversed, even temporarily, it can lead to significant stress and identity crises. There’s a saying that summarizes this: “A man can feed a woman for many years and the neighbors won’t know, but if a woman feeds a man for a week, the whole world will know.” This reflects the societal stigma attached to men not fulfilling traditional roles, which can exacerbate feelings of failure.

I am a big advocate of women empowerment. However, I always advice my fellow men to empower their women but also empower themselves twice. You should work double hard. The society has big expectations about you. It’s unfortunate that your failure to provide for the family will entirely be blamed on you with no exceptions. The world out there won’t be fair on you the man if you fail to meet the expectation. Statistically, most Women who cheat on their men are doing so after the man has failed to provide for their needs. Men should not only support but also actively seek to enhance their own capabilities and resilience. The balance in a relationship ideally shouldn’t be about who earns more but about mutual respect and support. However, this is not what is on ground for the most cases.

In light of these observations, I am convinced of the urgent need for a support system tailored for men. This year, 2025, we are launching a helpline dedicated to men, offering a safe space (safe corridor) where they can speak freely about their issues, receive advice, and feel validated in their struggles. This initiative aims to break the silence, providing men with the support they so often need but seldom seek.

By fostering an environment where men feel encouraged to express their vulnerabilities, we can begin to address the silent suffering that afflicts many. It’s about time we acknowledge that men, like everyone else, need help, and providing that help might just save lives.

Joel Aita