in

Cold inside

Found this piece I had written in 2008. Oh how far I have come from my personal demons and depression

Friday evening… am at my work desk…with a sore throat and stomach full of gas. My phone’s network is still off, but at least I have established that it wasn’t my phone’s obsoleteness, but the network provider’s inefficiency. How am I supposed to pick my girlfriend from work? She’s on the same network and most probably her phone is useless also. A few notes in my diary, and my mind is back to roaming aimlessly. Almost kicked myself for carrying the wrong pack of cigarettes this morning(the empty one), but I wonder now if I could have inhaled any toxins with this discomfort in my chest. But it goes without saying, and I will not even pretend to try, I must smoke at least one before the day is done. Almost forgot that a workmate gave me 2complimentary tickets to grant me free entrance to a swanky club in town before midnight….I have no plans to use them, but then again, am just a 25year old ”teenage dirtbag” waiting to see how the evening goes…

Such is my state. I went out of the building for a walk and the sunrays felt like a whip on my skin…sort of like what vampires would feel in the sun, or more recently, the pain of the infected creatures in I AM LEGEND when in contact with ultra violet rays.  What a way my body does react to an uncertain mind!! I normally love to soak up the sun, and my body must have been voicing what was going on inside. It was raining in my heart, not a heavy downpour, but the incessant rain which persists even when for a moment it seemed like it was subsiding…. I must look hard to see the silver lining in the clouds that are gathering…No need for a weather forecast here. The sun has been thoroughly smothered. Prepare for more inner rain.

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Written by Ronnie ALINDA

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