Family, Friends and Relationships

Can we talk about ‘Singleness’ without talking about Marriage?

I am making the observation more and more that even when the subject is singleness, more people are still largely inclined to talk “marriage”. In fact part of the feedback I got from my last post was;

“But can we talk about ‘singleness’ without talking about marriage?”

My answer is 80% yes.

What we are avoiding here, is making marriage the goal. Neither are we attempting to make the goal singleness. Let’s speak of it as it is. A status. A state of being. Let me categorically state that the subject is SINGLENESS.

Think of the statement (not the movement), “Black Lives Matter”. I know some still don’t get it. While “All Lives Matter”, the issue at hand isn’t that. Black lives seem to matter only theoretically, the same way singleness is preached as a “gift”. If I speak Christianese, bear with me. 

What I am attempting to do here is to make you think if you truly believe. that single people, especially older single women…are equally adults, with joys and lows and can live purposefully.

Think. Think again. Do you? Do you really? Naye…think for riyo. You might find that Freudian slip! I think it’s Chimamanda that said we need to have the ability to appreciate one thing without comparing it to another. I know that seems quite impossible in a very dualistic, dichotomous and binary world. 

Naye isn’t it possible to say I really love the fact that I am a Muganda without making me think less of an Acholi? Or can’t a man celebrate being a man without disparaging a woman? Can’t a scientist think highly of, and enjoy, his trade without thinking less of an artist?

It is.

You truly can love being African without hating Caucasians or Asians.

You can.

To compare things isn’t a bad thing. We can really learn to appreciate things separately. We need to acknowledge and appreciate things in their singularity. 

Just think of the alphabet, each letter is its own letter. In joining individual letters together, we get words from which we make sentences and paragraphs. The singular letter is unique and useful alone and with others. (Okay this analogy – owange, ngezzezaako!!) Some will get it. Others won’t. 

After all, some people think all feminists are men-haters and others think Christians aren’t thinkers but only feelers. As though mind and emotions couldn’t happily co-exist?! I pray we at least try to see what I am trying very hard to say.

Speaking of the Lordship of Yesu, Willie Robertson (of the Duck Dynasty) says in the movie, God’s Not Dead:

“Let’s do some acknowledging!”

Acknowledge (verb)

1. accept or admit the existence or truth of

2. recognize the importance or quality of

(Definitions from the Oxford Languages)

Kwegamba – “appreciate”, “admit”, “confess”, ”recognize”, REALIZE, “respect”, ”acquiesce in”, “be aware of”, “allow” etc.

Ndwooza point etuuse! That line couldn’t be more apropos!! Let us, for starters, just acknowledge SINGLENESS!!

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