AM NOT THE ENEMY
Hello there Mr. Tugume! Yes, you are my new host. Oh where are my manners! Let me introduce myself. I am the corona virus ambassador to Uganda. Oh come on don’t be sad. I saw you touching the rail at mall and you didn’t wash your hands. You literally picked me up. We are 195 ambassadors, each assigned at least one country and am the youngest. However, the good news is that am the least fatal of all of them. Did you hear the one to Italy? Me oh my, very brutal if you ask me. I mean 1000 people in one day? Who does that? Doesn’t he get tired? So far I have reached out to some little hundreds of you and my colleagues call me lazy, but I love the people here, very calm. They don’t even wear masks nor wash hands. Apparently the whole world hates me. They visualized me as a green ball with multiple spikes! Very ugly. I didn’t even get to pick my own color. I mean I love pink and who knows, maybe yellow would look good on me. Oh that’s not a very good thing to say in Uganda. I don’t want to be associated with big dogs here.
Ahem! Tugume’s cough sends me flying in the air. This is my chance to get a new host. Look! Someone is passing by, yes. Hello there beautiful, oh am going to love this one. Sshh! I don’t want her to know that am here. Where is she heading? The bar? You don’t say. I thought they closed those ones. Now that’s the thing about people here. They don’t fear me that much. They even sang songs about me. I didn’t expect such a reception. Songs? Not one, not two, not even three but many of them I even lost count. I could make a playlist but my colleagues in other countries will not be happy. Speaking of which, my boss wasn’t happy with how I was progressing with my work. He sent the ambassadors of Kenya, Tanzania and South Sudan to help out which explains the many numbers of corona cases in Uganda. That means my allowances will drop but I don’t care. I am enjoying Uganda and they are definitely enjoying me. The other day I overheard the children at the spring, wishing me to stay longer so that they wouldn’t have to go back to school. I understand them. Can you imagine children here start school at 5:00 am and depart in the late hours of the night? I did a good thing for them and am glad they appreciate me.
Beautiful lady has made it to the bar and there are quite a number of people. Brace yourself Rona babe. Oh that’s the name that Ugandans gave me on social media. Am telling you these guys love me. The bar has a television, and the news is on. The parliament passed a supplementary budget of one trillion for COVID-19. God, I hate that name; not the point am making here, though isn’t this the very country with a deficit of 46 trillion? I am not even the worst thing that happened to this country.
Little beautiful over here just kissed someone who I presume to be her boyfriend, or husband, or who knows who, and just like that, I have another host. Am now enjoying the warmth of uhm, what did I hear them call you? Big Sponsor? OK, let’s see what we got here. He owns a range rover, and trust me those cars are few in Uganda. Oh, he is a big dog in the government. What is he doing in the bar? Shameless! Good for me though. I need him to penetrate the so called government. Oh, yes! He is heading out. A ride in his luxurious car and we are soon at his office. Wait a minute, isn’t that the food that the poor people of this country were contributing. I thought the distribution was over. I should talk to my boss to give me a new assignment; exposing these evil practices of your leaders. Wow, look who is throwing stones! But in my defense, I just need love. I don’t want to kill people; I just want to be friends with them. But you all are selfish. Wait! What is that smell? Chloroquine? God, I hate that drug! Talk about an enemy of progress. I should have known that this big sponsor would have access to testing kits. What’s wrong with people wanting to kill me though? I need a friend. I don’t see color. Is anybody out there? We all need love. Isn’t that what Rihanna said? I am not the enemy.