You are the Salvation of Your Gift

A Letter to Myself

My Dearest Nawa,

Ever since you met the written word and fell hard, you have dreamed of a day when the world would pick a book from a bookstore shelf written by you, with praises of your beautiful writing. You have read and praised many writers, and wished you would be right up there with the bestsellers – a well-known writer or poet on the global scene.

The experience of your primary school years right through to high school taught you that this love for writing came to you like a calling. You shined and stood out with your fluent expression of the English language. You have read books too numerous to count, and each of those books became a part of you. Each play, novel, or poem you have read, written by famous and unknown writers, has had an impact on you as a person and as a writer, or so you like to call yourself.

All the love letters and poems you wrote to seduce the girls you liked in your youth are a part of your journey as a writer and poet. What has stopped you from publishing? What has stopped you from finishing the books and poems you started writing, ‘til you lost most of them and the inspiration died with them?

There have been several times when you have read books and articles or other works that you thought were not worthy of publishing because they were poorly written. What’s your biggest fear? When do you think you will be good enough to publish? Don’t you know that all the best writers started before they were ‘good enough’?

You need to get over yourself Nawa, and stop thinking there is such a thing as a perfect kind of writing worth publishing, or you will never forgive yourself. The few people that have praised you and loved your poetry and articles should have been enough to give you the oomph to publish.

It seems to me you have forgotten that you even did something as important as publish research in the library of the school of Public Health at the highest learning institute in your country. It’s a pity that you have also forgotten about the Roy Emerson Student award you won, though 2nd place, during your undergraduate studies. I’m ashamed to remind you of the few articles you published in the National Service Magazine when you worked in government, and received verbal recognition and praise for the ‘classic’ style of writing. And what about the few stories you have submitted in the storytelling competitions where you made the long list? All these are important milestones that make you the writer you are today, but you are better than what you have become. So much better.

I am even more ashamed that I have to write to you about this because of the many ambitions you have flirted with, writing seems to be the only thing over which you can muster up some legitimate bragging rights. You need to get your head out of the clouds and get writing. Now!

There is not a storyteller in you, you are the storyteller. You are the poet that must publish the poetry that lives inside you. You are the salvation of the stories that cry to be told by you everyday. Maybe that’s why you get so moody sometimes, because the stories have cried and fought to be freed from your tyranny of indecision for so long your spirit has grown sore and sour!

Start with one poem or two, maybe even three stories, and perhaps you’ll lighten up a little. So far, time has bitten you to it, but with some love, you might just stand a chance of living your dream as a published writer. And that love can only come from you!

Written honestly, submitted with love,

Nawa Sitali