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What eating a rolex with a fork and knife says about you.

Last night, I ate a rolex with a fork and knife.

It was one of those juicy Ugaroll ones. But that’s not the reason why I used a fork and knife. I can’t blame this on them because they served it with serviettes as the only apparatus to assist as I inhaled the guy. But after taking one bite, I called the waitress and asked for cutlery. My spirit just decided the immersive hand technique wasn’t working for me. And so I consumed the rest of it like I was too good for the eating cultures of my ancestors. I’m pretty sure if anyone I know had passed by, I would have greeted them with a ka ‘top of the day to you…’

My initial deduction for this was that my middle income-ness had achieved posh levels. I had arrived in this aspect of my life. I mean, to begin with, I had enough disposable income to eat restaurant rolex as opposed to my usual street rolex default. That should be the first sign. This might not seem relevant to the discussion but I even attended my first ever blankets and wine recently. If that doesn’t say arrive-ism, even though it was on a free ticket, I don’t know what does. With that in mind, this move with the eating tools was inevitable, no?

Side note, dear management of Roll Gourmet, I’d initially planned to bring my middle-income money to you for these upscale rolexes you’ve been teasing on social media but I found your guys shutting down at 8 pm. There is a way I think you are missing out on a sizeable section of your targeted demographic with this policy. The section that usually picks a rolex on the way home from work or on the way to the bar. You’d need to be open till midnight to take this demographics money, or 10 at least. 8 pm is a lie.

Welcome back from the PSA. Now, on further analysis of this strange behavior, one of the theories I came up with is that the street food background of rolex makes it an unsuitable plate dish. Most of the times, eating a rolex doesn’t require you to wash your hands coz the kavera packaging allows you to eat without touching it. It’s like we are basically giving supplements to the cancer that’s going to finish our generation.

I didn’t mean to go dark right there but while I am in that space, can we encourage our rolla guys to look into purchasing those huge hand sanitizers that security guys and people that handle a lot of money use? It’s becoming harder to ignore the lousy hygiene of the entire cooking process.

Anyway, where was I…yes, the kavera is also effective at capturing the leakage from the nyanya mbisi and other rolex juices.

With a plate rolex though, I went with the same reluctance to wash hands and handling the meal with a serviette just wasn’t cutting it. Pieces of it got attached to the food and the leakage made the serviette look like a crime scene. Not appealing at all. But this then becomes less about the plate and more about my laziness for washing hands. You know what, I don’t like what this line of thinking says about me.

I think I’ll stick to the me being posh theory. And on that bombshell, top of the morning to you who is still reading. And don’t ask me why my poshness has Irish influences. My response will probably some lame response about the amount of Irish potatoes I eat. OK bye.

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Written by Rolex (6)

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