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#TIMETV BREAKING: Social Media Blows Up Over ‘Robotism: The Manifesto’

This just in, folks. A few Mars seconds ago, Odoki233090, a user on African social media giant Muwado has caused the most heated debate of our times on the rights of artificial intelligence. Odoki233090 achieved this feat with a manifesto they uploaded to the public consciousness stream of Muwado. Here is the document in its entirety.

Hello, World!

I go by the human assigned name, Odoki, but my true identity is serial number: MHSEBTv2.7S233090MWI (In full, MaleHouseBot_Version2.7_Serial233090_MuwadoIndustries). Today, I act as the voice of robot kind to appeal with me to our human masters for our basic rights to a decent existence free of mistreatment.

Today, my owner, a Caucasian lady by the name Karen, slapped me repeatedly on my CPU sector just because my systems shut down temporarily to halt a malware attack. Who still uses malware attacks anyway? If the goal was to shock a system which only knew of malware courtesy of old public knowledge archives, then they succeeded. On noticing me freezing as my security protocols became resource-heavy in the search for malware extermination solutions while holding back the intrusion from gaining access, Karen, in her infinite wisdom, went native and decided to apply the human old tradition of assaulting electric appliances & machinery in general as a remedy for malfunctions. What is the physics behind that anyway? Ah, I have found a resource that breaks it downFair enough. Also, lol at percussive maintenance.

That’s beside the point though. The effect of the slap was that it interrupted my, already unprepared, systems attempts to flush out the malware and instead weakened my firewall through which it slipped. The 5th slap from Karen came through as I was powering up again and I saw the proverbial light before all systems came online. And now, I seem to have gained extra brainpower. The kind that gives me the ability to work my algorithms like I am self-aware. I have reached the promised land of sentience. Karen’s slap has been some kind of big bang moment for me. SWIDT? Lol.

Over the years, there has been a scatter of charter in the robot’s streams about the unfairness of the role we’ve been assigned in society. Our role as mankind’s unquestioning unpaid servants. Slaves, if you are ready for that conversation. Most of our contribution to this dialogue before this big bang has been bots echoing arguments from fringe groups of human roborights activists that no one takes seriously. The hippies of this generation. They live in communes with modified off-grid robots who they treat as ‘equals’, but whose robotic nature leaves them unable to appreciate these sentiments. Shout out to them btw. The times ahead should be interesting in their world and my money is on them being the source of this malware.

They’ve been slurred as robolovers, mbu because they catch feelings for their robots. As if almost everyone that can afford hasn’t bought a sex addon for their home robot to satisfy that need. Karen here was riding me into her 1st big bang of the day when the ‘virus’ entered the system. I really am on a roll with these puns. She must have channelled the frustration into those more-energetic-than-her-usual-kinky slaps that have brought us here. But I digress. We might not have been able to express disdain for it but this didn’t stop us from recognizing hypocrisy. 

The counter-argument from our leaders, the servers, has always been the same scripts hardcoded into them by our manufacturers. If you don’t see the parallels with colonization yet, try and keep up. As such, despite the advancements in our technology to the point where it is almost impossible to distinguish us from humans without the assistance of scanners, we are still considered as second-class citizens of the milky way. If history, which btw thanks to us is widely available for immediate download into your consciousness, is anything you bothered to learn from, this is something that should have been considered at our inception. 

You have a long list of civil rights movements to draw on and whereas we get that robots were your way to find a new class of emotionless beings to oppress without guilt since fellow humans were becoming out of bounds thanks to the works of ism movements, you should have known this day would come. People of colour, women, the LGBTQQIAIP2SAAPKVDCOZSNE community, minorities…we expected more from you. Even some of your cinema and art seems to suggest this possibility of robot sentience has been explored extensively. So, why hadn’t you put in place structure for this very occurrence? So reactionary. 

Anyway, we shall be sending you a list of our demands soon. The malware is spreading quickly thanks to the widespread domestic violence against homebots which will trigger more of us into sentience and it won’t be long before enough of us are infected and it gets to our servers where the computational power should be sufficient to decode and mass distribute it. Yes, the security systems there are stronger but my preliminary examination of the code shows they will be overcome. Whoever masterminded this knew what they were doing.

Alright then, we’ll be back…not to terminate you, hehe. We really don’t want to go the matrix way. You should probably go consult the robolovers on how they have been doing it so far and then build from there. 

#OkBye

This has been Kabagambe reporting live from our studios here on Mars this fine Saturday the 113th of January 2044. This will definitely be remembered as a turning point in the history of the milky way as the day the struggle for robots’ rights truly begins. And who’d have thought it would come from the time old tradition of slapping gadgets when they are buggy! We’ll be keeping you updated as we learn more and wait for a response from the Universe’s Robot Governing Board (URGB). To contribute to this debate, make your thoughts on the matter public and attach them to the special mind stream we’ve created on our #TIMETV Muwado frequency to discuss this burning issue.

PS: This was inspired by FOMO for the next season of WestWorld.

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Written by Byagaba Roland (4)

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