Name Is Eneriko
There’s this video on Twitter of a Zambian dad slapping his teenage son because of poor academic performance, that left in its wake a huge divide in opinion on the issue of disciplining children. Going through my timeline I discovered that most people sided with the dad and had no qualms whatsoever about how he chose to discipline his son. And that’s okay because everyone is entitled to an opinion.
One thing that’s so disturbing about the video though is that while the dad scolds and beats his son, the mom stands there videotaping and yet pleading with him to cease beating the boy. At one point George, the lad’s father, reprimands her. It shows a total lack of unity and teamwork from the parents. While preaching on parenting, I recall one time my Pastor advised parents to always side with one another even if one’s disciplinary action verged on the extreme. Because it’s vital not to create a wedge in familial relations, any spousal reprehension should be done in private so that the children do not hear and form harmful alliances in the home.
The video in question indeed ruffled many feathers and in some cases where this issue was taken a tad too personal, those in support of George labeled those against his ways as Westernized and out of touch with the African way of disciplining children. One person even said, “they were beaten as children but they didn’t die.” And in my opinion, if people still believe that the way some of their parents meted out punishment (which they too agree was somewhat extreme) is the best way to go just because they didn’t die, then therein lies one of our biggest problems: the perpetuation of the wrong culture.
A screenshot from a comment on that thread.
After the video became a continental sensation, the dad later penned a missive where he reiterated that as a good Christian, he’s obligated to raise good children and that he has a right to discipline his son as he deems fit. I am a Christian, and African too, and believe that children ought to be raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Thus parents have to ensure that they guide, nurture, advise, correct, rebuke, and chastise their children lest they leave society with a big problem when their children grow into irresponsible and ungovernable adults.
Now I’m aware of the fact that I’m not a parent yet, therefore please forgive my naivety and perhaps cluelessness surrounding parenting. But as a Christian, I agree a parent’s cardinal role would be to raise successful, godly children with all gravity, love, and long-suffering. Thus though I perceive George’s pain and anger when he receives a crappy report card yet he pays USD 21K for his son to attain a good education, I believe there’s a better and more helpful way. I was raised by a strict disciplinarian mother. A teacher by profession, she cracked the whip every time silliness reared its head among one of us. But the thing is, she never slapped any of us. She’d tell you why she’s going to cane you and then went ahead to order you to lie before setting your ass on fire with a couple of lashes.
It’s true though as Solomon said, Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. In another place he said, Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell. And then my all-time favorite on child-rearing is still in Proverbs 13:24: He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
But how should this be done?
As I noted earlier, parenting is not for the fainthearted. It requires time, love, money, and the best in you to raise sober children. Effective parenthood, therefore, is a lifelong vocation. From the time a child is born until adulthood, they’ll need a parent to provide, protect, nurture, and counsel among others. Even after they leave the nest, the role of the parent is still significant in their lives. So it’s prudent to cultivate a relationship that won’t be easily broken by negative emotion and undue behavior from either party.
Most times unruly child behavior is a result of parents not spending time with their children in the crucial ages of socialization. Between birth and the age of six, children need to be shown the right way, in other words, adults model behavior here. Discipline involving spanking, and proportionate strokes of the cane on the buttocks are necessary too, like Solomon said, remove the foolishness bound in a child’s heart. At this moment they know no better and this entire life thing is new to them. This age is crucial for instilling lifelong values in children. After six, children are mostly guided as parents walk with and do with them. Here, they’re trying out new things and it’s the stage of quick learning and grasping of, say, languages or skills.
Teenagers on the other hand require all the patience and tenacity a parent can muster. Because it’s a transitional stage where, much as they are still young and only stepping into adulthood, they feel and think they can take charge of their lives. This is far from the truth but they know it not. Sadly, most parent-child relationships get strained and others are utterly ruined in this stage. It’s worse if the parents do not create an environment of communication and trust to understand their teenage children and their struggles. Many teens struggle academically, while others are just outright lazy and take life for granted. It thus behooves a parent of a teenage child to investigate and find the underlying cause of their child’s behavior, which could be social or personal. For instance, employing positive discipline, a method which is win-win in nature, offers long-term solutions and above all fosters a good relationship between child and adult, parents are in a position to get the best out of their children.
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