Today, I observed a girl prepping herself to take a selfie. I enjoy watching this process…all that fretting about whether she has got it right reminds me why I don’t particularly like taking pictures.
Is the lipstick on bulungi? Is that ka one hair she specifically told the saloon lady to leave hanging over her forehead, so she could keep on dramatically brushing it aside (that must be quite the work out over time! Why aren’t more girls ripped?), is it perfectly placed to make her face adorable?
*40 likes at the very minimum
Is the pout just right? Or maybe not a pout today, let’s try a silly face, or…or tongue out. Tongue out it is.
*about 15 comments
The eyes, you have to know what kind of eyes you have and how to work those eyelashes, whether fake or real. Got big eyes? Open them wider so they are the focus and take the attention away from your slight mustache. Alternatively, close them slightly to give you that seductive look. The one that says you know things, senga things! 😉
*This should deliver some thirsty chaps to your inbox that you can proceed to completely ignore
Most importantly, know which angle of your face brings out the best of you. The real, staged, you. This can improve the overall quality of the look by 60%, and generate some shares even. Be in class!
If all these manoeuvres fail, show off some cleavage. Cleavage never fails, especially with the assistance of the wonder bra. Ate don’t just expose everything and end up coming off as trashy. Throw in some math. Bring in X & Y to help you calculate the right amount of….
My point is, this is obviously a process that takes quite a bit of effort and brain power. Despite my misgivings about the underlying reasons for taking selfies, I tend to enjoy looking at the well executed ones quite a bit.
And on that bombshell, a certain rusty gear located in the north pole of my brain turned and I had a moment of enlightenment, which is what I have chosen to call it. Writing is NOT that different from selfie taking!! (Woah…did you also feel that wind of realisation slap your medulla oblongata, or whatever part of your brain is responsible for this kind of thing, around?)
See, you put in so much effort putting together the right words so this brilliant idea/argument/story/insight/message/etc is delivered eloquently, the way it appeared and developed in your mind. Then you apply filters of editing, crop out a few paragraphs/sentences that are not helping the overall product… and after all that, you post and also wait for the likes, comments and shares.
So…what’s the grand conclusion of this post? Stop looking in my direction, even me I don’t know. I’ll leave it up to you to ponder on, or just discard completely from your thought space. #OkBye
HOOO..hooold up!! The ka gear has turned again. *drumroll…THE SELFIE AWARDS, how comes this is not a thing yet? Let me even go and patent this one.