I have never, once questioned what I feel for you, I am not a lovey Dovey kind of girl, I hate flowers (I think they look better in the garden), love music puts me to sleep, but this woman has me thinking, inhaling the scent of roses is a beautiful thing.
She is about the height of a model, eyes like a dot of ink, yet so intense I would want to stare at her until morning. Yesterday I mentioned in passing that I had a horrible day and all she asked was “ where are you and what would make your day better?”
‘A bottle of sweet Robertson winery, Ed sheeran’s latest album and a note that would read, “ Fuck the world, am done with this shit” ‘ I replied.
Five minutes later my phone rings, “ where are you? Am packed outside your work place,” I, thinking it was a joke, rolling my eyes, laughed it off.
But she wasn’t joking, she asked for the office floor and number, (which I dutiful supplied) and a knock at my door.
There she was, a bottle in her hand, her hair held back in a potential making her dots of eyes even more intense, (it is like they are always screaming something at me.) She handed the wine, a music CD and asked where she would scribble the note.
Did I mention that we think alike, its like constantly staring at yourself talking to yourself, she understands the deep evil and vulnerable side that I manage to hide so well.
You however, know me so well, we don’t even have to pretend, and you can puff with me in the room.
We time each other while in the toilet, for you know shitting is one of my favourite pass times, sometimes you even read me a book.
Which is why I am comfortable discussing, the tsunami of confusion that this woman makes me feel.
A stream of questions is always bugging my mind, is she bi-sexual, and does she like girls? Yet the big elephant in the room is, DO I LIKE HER? Does this mean, I am capable of liking women? Is she just being friendly?
Man I am so confused.
Each time I think she is just one rare nice chic that totally gets me, she brushes her lips at the corner of my mouth (My Gawd! The things I feel in an instant, I am afraid to accept them to myself).
It’s the way she holds my hand, her thumb subconsciously rubbing my hand, while she softly talks to me, I am lost in the sensation that her thumb gives me, but her voice constantly pulls me back.
She is like ice cream-chocolate-tequila; see that look on your face? That’s how confused I am.
Last weekend we went to the beach, with this hot sun, less clothes is the way to go, as usual, the crazy girls decided skinny Dipping was on the agenda, I slowly fumbled with my dress, hoping to pass time so the girls would forget about my participation.
It was the way she described the female body that had me so distracted, following the sound of her voice while she unzipped the yellow-flowered dress you bought me last month.
The dress now on the sand, she took a step back as if observing if the flowers were somehow on my body, the act in itself was awakening, she took me in with her intense eyes, I shivered not because it was chilly, it was just the way she stared at me, it made me feel like super woman.
(It felt like those high school days, when I was the best in class and the headmistress called me to the front of the school)
My other friends kept calling to us to join, I was rooted to the sand, no amount of sand storm would have moved me, and she simply held out her hand and asked me to join the rest.
After all the insanity, we sat next to each other on the drive back to the city, her hand on my thigh and the other handing one of my hands, her low voice still telling me stories but honestly, I was too afraid to look into her eyes so I focused on her lips, now those were distracting!
At the end of the night, she pecked me goodnight and said I was A -GOOD -FRIEND! Was she fucking kidding me?
Now you know why I have been so distracted, but I haven’t forgotten about you.
PS what’s the valentine plot? I really hated the formal date, we had last year, could we just stay in and smoke weed for this one?