Letter to Kuteesa Geofrey

Letter to Godfrey Kuteesa

I salute you, sir! I like how you mentor our boys, I love boys and I pray you do not mislead them. There are two things God gave men and women, the freedom to decide how they live, what they want to do and how they do it. Women who dress indecently are shameless but still, that is a choice they make for themselves, I do not see how that is your business. The man who takes such a woman is intelligent in his way, and the woman is not a waste of his life. See, bad black, the famous Ugandan prostitute has a husband who loves and cherishes her. Also, I am not surprised when a man chooses such a woman because she is real, she doesn’t pretend to be what she is not, she shows you that she is a bitch, take her or leave. We have Women who dress decently, I love them because they keep their bodies to themselves, they are not shameless but most of these women grow to be pretentious women, they pretend to be everything a man needs in a woman, they marry her and after a while she changes, she starts to let dishes dry unwashed, a pile of laundry waits in the corner and the food that was cooked daily, skips a day or two and then, you find the woman Divorced, the man tells you tales that could not be seen behind the decency and the humility. Our girls are raised to believe that showing a bit of your body is shameless, we tell them to sit down well, behave like a girl, do laundry, wash dishes (most people hate washing dishes, I guess you too do), sweep and keep clean the house, in so doing we give them a robotic way of life in their childhood, that’s why they grow to be the “Miseege” as you call them, they then grow to make their own decisions which they think is true and real for them. Teach parents how to raise perfect girls, I am eager to see how you will help me raise my girl, I wouldn’t want her to be called so.

Who is a winning woman? One that is married, kneels for her husband, submits to her man or one that has children? All women are winning women, regardless of their current status, if a woman decides to kneel for her husband when serving him or thanking him, that should be her personal decision, not a ritual imposed on her, it should be a feeling of satisfaction on her side and once she feels oppressed, then she can decide to make a better choice that makes her feel free and real to her self and husband. Marriage is not a great success, both men and women have tried marriage and failed each other, still, this is a personal choice to commit to someone, it shouldn’t be a rule, a woman can feel whole without marriage, and she can still win and achieve without a man by her side, this traditional thinking of yours lowers the bar for men and greatly minimises the capacity that women have and hold that you may not even come close to. Marriage should not be a scale to measure success, you are promoting marriage and suicide. Boys are committing suicide because of the weight that society puts on them, to be a man one needs to understand what it means to be so, gender is assigned by God before birth, not a privilege to make one feel oppressed, men feel oppressed and burden by the expectations of society from them, when they fail to meet these expectations, they are afraid to face the reality and hence kill themselves. Having children, still, is a decision one takes except in cases of rape, having a child is a great achievement and happiness, the fulfilment and satisfaction I get seeing my little princess every day, her smiles, little steps and amazing gifts make me want to hold a mukalakasa and advocate for having children but this is a sensitive aspect, I cannot go making decisions for people, having a child is beautiful but to a woman who hasn’t thought about it, it is still beautiful not to have one because one’s happiness is not measurable on some aspects of life.

A man should not expect submission from his wife, he should expect love, a woman who loves you will go to the moon for you and will see submission as love and will never complain about it, marriage is a partnership and partners work together. A home can be headed by two as long as they agree to do so, we cannot enforce decisions on how partners run their homes and who should and should not head.

I want my boys to grow up free, to make personal decisions that are not based on societal norms and expectations but choices that stem from their true selves, their true Masculinity, a man who will respect every woman, a man who will not call women who he finds un agreeable to his set norms and values names. The “meseeges ” are beautiful regardless of their scars, they have untold stories that you cannot justify or even know of. Being a masculine man, as you dare to show, I expect a little bit of respect for the woman, as you mentor these boys, and mentor the girls as well, because you cannot achieve the Masculinity that you expect, at the end of the day, the women are the ones that raise those boys. Also, women can choose to run their lives the way they want and choose to, they can never live to your expectations. I am a woman and a mother. Yours truly.