This is my God story

For someone who was diagnosed with depression and seriously considered suicide about four years ago, I am having such a great time with my life that I cannot even believe that this is real -all while my circumstances, the very things that caused me so much sorrow, fear, insecurity, and worry, have barely changed.

I still come from a broken, dysfunctional family where opportunities for hurt and bitterness are unbelievably abundant. I still have fewer friends than I wish I had. I still have more love to give than to draw from.

I still have not learned the things I wish I knew: things to do with purchasing land and construction, for example, still intimidate me. I am still not competent in specific areas of my career that I wish I was competent in.

It would also be nice to have someone to share my life with.

There are things I wish I was good at but I am not: braiding, knitting, and all sorts of handiwork -my motor skills, both gross and fine, are wack. It is extremely difficult for me to learn to use my hands and legs.

I am the only person I know that it took the longest time to learn how to ride a motorcycle. An entire year. (The average learning time is 2 to 4 weeks). I also went to driving school and came out of it unable to drive. I ran away from the driving test centre at the last minute. It was not out of fear. I simply had not learned how to drive. The funny thing is, I never quite learned how to ride a bicycle as a child either.

Yet, amidst all of this, I am the happiest I have ever been. I do not feel lacking or deficient in any way. Neither do I feel a desperate need to fix all of these things and be perfect. I do not care for the appearance of perfection either. I have a strong sense of security and confidence in who I am, such as I have never had before. I feel loved, useful, and necessary. I have no urgency whatsoever to rush my life. I am content with where I am and who I am now. Ironically, I also have the most courage and ambition I have ever had to pursue the things that excite my heart.

Sometime, somewhere between my daily quiet moments with God, my intentional seeking of specific truths concerning the results of living life with Him, and the conscious choice to obey His word radically, I changed. Something happened to me and transformed me fundamentally.

I am heading into two years of unbroken joy, peace, productivity, and mental clarity. I have discovered excellent things about myself, and I am, to myself, the best thing since sliced bread and roast pork. I really am that girl, and the salad beside the pork. I add a distinct flavour to the dish of life.

This is my God story, and that’s not even half of it.