What am I, faithwise?

For the longest time I have taken my cue on how to behave spiritually from the people around me.

When I was around skeptics, I looked through my unanswered faith questions, picked one out and threw it in the discussion. I became a skeptic.

When I found myself among enthusiasts, I became an enthusiast. Same thing when I found myself among seekers- I acted like I was a seeker myself.

In all of this, I never quite articulated to myself what exactly I was. Was I a skeptic, an enthusiast, or a seeker?

I knew that I was neither a skeptic nor a seeker. I also knew that I was a hesistant enthusiast who could easily switch outward allegiance under pressure. I was not bold enough to maintain private and public integrity.

So the question continued to gnaw away at me internally: what was I, faithwise? If I wanted “more” or “better” as it pertained to my faith, I needed to know where my starting point was- and name it.

The attempt to answer that question sent me on a quest that I am still on. These are the answers I have found so far:

1 – I believe in God and trust in His goodness.

2 – I bear in my spirit a Holy fear of Him. I am not a skeptic.

3 – I bear immense curiousity about this fascinating being called God, who has touched my heart and mind so prominently. I enjoy dwelling in His presence and I love how He draws me to Himself. I am not a seeker. I already found Him.

4 – I love God shamelessly. I talk about Him privately and publicly. He has been too loving to me, too restorative, too manifestly present to pretend I do not have Him in my life.

5 – I would drop everything in a heartbeat to keep what I have found in this God who loves me in ways I cannot even begin to understand. I have dropped a lot and are willing to drop even more if He asks me to. What I have found is much too precious than anything I could ever hope to have.

So now, when it comes to how I live out my faith, I take my cue from God. My eyes are set forward like flint, unmoved and undistracted, looking neither to the right nor to the left.

I pray, give, serve, love, listen, lead, work, read – I do everything in a way that reflects my relationship with Him – not in response to the skepticism, apathy, or opposition of the man or woman beside me.

Mine is to be true to who I have discovered this Awesome God to be- not just to me- but as a matter of His nature. It is to this that I am faithful and nothing or no one else.