15 Radio Stations in Uganda as members of a tight-knit Girl Friend Circle.

1. Sanyu Fm – 

The smart & witty one who’s always correcting everyone else’s grammar. Has an online shop selling sex toys & lingerie with free tutorials. Has a butterfly Tattoo on the upper thigh. Doesn’t drink beer or wine. Drinks only Cocktails & Mojitos.

2. Radio City – 

Stunning babe with a forehead that can land aeroplanes. Has big round eyes & smooth skin making her very attractive. Barely says anything till she’s taken shots of tequila – then she becomes ungovernable. Wears body-hugging dresses with no panties. Fears dogs.

3. Capital FM – 

Secretly loves older men but won’t admit it openly. Loves being seen with younger boys but thinks very little of them. Has a bit of money but is extremely frugal. Some say she’s a miser. Demands that everyone pays for what they eat/drink. Talks with a lisp.

4. Next Radio – 

Joined the group with gusto but went quiet after a while. Likes asking ‘muliwa’ even when she won’t show up.  Wears waist beads & has a tattoo on the left boob that says “Kiss Me Now”. Snores loudly at night. Claims to be allergic to latex.

5. UBC Radio – 

Teetotaler who judges the rest for their promiscuous & hedonistic behaviour but secretly envies their lives. Has wealthy parents but went to the poorest schools because the parents were way too stingy. Has a secret extra-marital relationship with a Church Pastor.

6. Galaxy Fm – 

The ratchet babe of the group. Knows where every party is & can get access to any & every party whether invited or not. Comes from a humble family but hates being reminded about it so she changed her name from Margaret Bakulumpagi to Maggie Baks. Has 4 baby daddies.

7. Radio One – 

The SOW of the group. Wears dreads & African print outfits. Refuses to own an iPhone because it’s needlessly expensive. Makes the bookings for a table at Brunch because she’s friends with the bar owner. Has a side gig selling Ghee & Eshabwe.

8. Salt Fm – 

Openly Born Again but secretly loves gossip & chaos. Judges & ridicules people for their immorality but secretly has an OF page for foot fetishes. Hosts the weekly fellowship in her incomplete house. Proud not to pay rent. Has an illegal water connection in her house.

9. Radio Maria – 

Spends her whole day reciting the bible & sharing bible verses in the Whatsapp Group. Attends the Girlie’s All Black get-together dressed in White because Black is the colour of the devil. Secretly loves BDSM but is afraid to mention it for fear of being judged.

10. Power Fm – 

The foodie of the group. Has a YouTube Channel for cooking. Is somewhat overweight because she’s always eating. Loves poetry, nature & books. Has a gorgeous accent that attracts many men but is uninterested in men. Might be a lesbian, no one knows.

11. X Fm – 

Used to be a decent babe but travelled to SA for her graduate studies & came back out of touch with the rest of the gang. Will find the slightest opportunity to drop the words “When I was in SA…”. Loves wearing Shweshwe and headwraps with stilettos. Owns 2 cats.

12. CBS Fm – 

The traditional babe of the group who has no problem wearing a gomesi to a Brunch. Is very loud & noisy and is usually the first to scream “Let’s Do Shots”. Often gets drunk and demands that she be taken to her ex’s place. Has a huge following on TikTok.

13. Kfm – 

The PhD holder of the group who owns a large house where the girls sometimes meet for drink-ups. Goes to the gym 4 times a week to stay in shape & to flirt with the guys at the gym. Often gets drunk and starts crying over lost love. Loves Rugby & Football.

14. NRG Radio – 

The youngest but most chaotic member of the group. Will remind the rest about how they’re out of touch with trends. Loves dancing & recreational drugs. Eats a lot of junk but never gains weight. Loves watching reality TV & cats on YouTube.

15. Kiis Fm – 

The fashionista of the group who wears six-inch heels, low-cut dresses & sexy lingerie all day, every day. Is dating a wealthy MP who often flies her out on holiday. Is also having a secret relationship with her landlord. Has a successful fashion business. Loves pork.

The End. Catch you on the next one!