Valentine’s Day is in a week and I know you’re trying to hide it but it’s bothering you a whole lot. You’re worrying; you watch and listen as all your friends go on about how awesome their Valentine’s plans are and you’re only reminded of the marshmallows and ice cream that you’ll be eating, alone, while you watch The Notebook for the 20 millionth time.
It hurts me that you do that; that you choose to look right past me and only see and hope for someone else. I am here, I’ve always been here and I will always be here. I’ve seen when you smile that pain away just so that they can leave you alone. I’ve seen when your eyes light up like a child when you hear you’re ‘jay-um’. I’ve listened to you sing off-key and still sound beautiful. I’ve watched you in your zone, working away like an ant, no stopping, and I’ve always been the happiest for you when things work out for you. You see why it hurts, because I’ve been there, through everything, I’ve been here; but you choose to look past me and instead look for another person to love an appreciate you.
I was told that love hurts sometimes, I agree; many times, it is hard to love you; what with all your flaws and your complicated manner. Sometimes I fail to see past them, out of envy, jealousy, coz I also want to be like them, the people that have made you blind to me. Sometimes I get so angry with you and I only learn that I hurt myself more that way. All this yet somehow, I still love you, I still yearn to spend time with you, I still crave your attention, hoping that just one time, you’ll forget about them and remember me, see me, want me.
This year, I finally mustered the courage to ask you to be my valentine’s. Why, you ask? Because seeing you happy makes me happy. Because when you hurt, I feel the pain twice as much as you do. I want to listen to you talk, I want to hear you laugh, I want to laugh at your jokes (you’re not as lame as you think you are, they just don’t have your sense of humor.) I want to spend time with you, doing what YOU want to do. I want to hear you say “This my jay-um” to every song that plays. I just want to spend time with you, watching you be happy, watching you be you. Whatever it is that you want to do, we’ll do it.
This Valentine’s should be about you, love. Just stop and think about you. I know how much he hurt you and I want you to know, as cliché as it may sound, that I won’t hurt you. I know that you blame yourself for the pain and loneliness that you feel, you should know, it’s not you to blame.
Please keep this letter and read it again next year; if for some reason, you’re not with me, at least it will be a reminder of how he should make you feel. This year, I’d like if you spent Valentine’s Day with me; and this time, as you look into the mirror, I hope you don’t stare right past me, but hope that you actually see me. This year, I want to love me because I know, that if ever I never learn to truly love me, I will never know what true love should be.
Dear me, please be my Valentine.