It is all fishy

I am not talking about the animal grade maize bran supposedly being dished out alongside stones with beans (not beans with stones), or the lengthy and fruitless wait to be served this manna, despite some people making it onto ten LC 1 lists so far and counting. For those who have received something, some say they need charcoal of 10k to cook beans of 4k!

Neither am I talking about the latest mal-procurement case that has tarnished some hitherto, sparkly civil service careers of OPM top honchos, how inconvenient and untimely to end one’s lifetime of service.

Nor am I talking about the release of UGX 10 Billion to MPs to contribute to the fight against the pandemic. But talk about it, shouldn’t it have been triple that amount instead? After all, the fight against locusts was allocated all of UGX 31 Billion, and yet COVID 19 has the whole world’s attention and mention.

And nor am I talking about visibility or accountability of all those donations and contributions from the public, individuals and corporates both local and foreign. When one renowned pastor took to social media to pause a contextual question to a well-celebrated journalist CEO, he was politely advised to stick to pornography, his “life’s calling”. Accountability and transparency is none of his concern, after all, these are not public funds generated from our taxes, but from donations from people’s volition.

Am actually talking about my day today, that kicked off in earnest with a 6.00 am trip to Gabba landing site. Last night, I went to bed after firming up with someone to use their 4 by 4 that has the much-coveted sticker well plastered on its windscreen. I made it in time to the boats, braving the early morning downpour to engage in a marathon of haggling. Half an hour later and drenched from head to toe, I was proudly swinging away my catch, 10 midsized tilapia with bloody gills and some still wagging their tail fins, all for a mere UGX 60k!! Beat that!

I quickly settled in behind the wheel and inched away from the serenity of the blue waters and the pungent fishy smell that has forever characterized that space, I was only excited to hit the tarmac and speed away whilst daydreaming about my lunch.

Not so long into the return journey at Bunga Soya Stage, the first of 7 heavily manned roadblocks to Naalya had been mounted. There were the usual traffic policemen, but this time round, the zest with which they carried out their operation was sky-high, whilst in the company of “red top” UPDF mean looking but silent and calm troops standing by. Officer John wasn’t going to listen to my pleas that I had a sticker, I was soon to learn that the latest orders were to violently remove old version stickers, hull a few abuses and impound the vehicles and only have them released “after COVID”. After all, someone knows when this will end, seeing that it is based on scientific calculations of “flattened curve” and “receding asymptomatic contacts” blah blah… can we not just get it in a single dose, that we got a 4months lockdown? Of course, this will also serve to shoot up the currency value of the now security improved barcoded sticker. It is only missing out the face of a famous man, as it exchanges hands in return for goods and services.

Whilst standing by the roadside loading the officer with my pleas, there was a gentleman with his lady friend a few feet away from us, and they were going on about how “Ugandans are not serious, they just never listen or take orders seriously. What are all these people and their vehicles doing on the road instead of staying indoors? This is very serious!” All the while, I was wondering as to why then, they too fell victim. It reminded me of those who were recently complaining about the jogging fad and yet they, themselves were at these venues jogging and actually taking the very pictures that graced social media.

As per the Standard Operating Procedures, supermarkets, open markets and restaurants continue to be open, and one need only to walk to their nearest one respectively, and get essentials especially food. For me to access Lake Victoria again in the near future, I am going to need a very fishy sticker.

Let me go have dinner…