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Best relationship advice #ugblogmonth

By Mugabe Victor

#ugblongmonth (Challenge 7)

There’s always that one point of a writer’s life that they realise they don’t know shit. For me, today was that day. I initially intended to lecture you all on the art of seduction, however contrary to the most common notion that the Bachwezi were Apollo like cassenovas with countless abs and words made out of heavenly honey, I’d like to inform you that I am not. 

 I suck at romantic relationships. The last time I hit on a girl and wasn’t rejected, I panicked and avoided her for a month. 

Ignoring my obvious need for psychological help, let me enlighten you on relationships I actually know something about. The Bro-mance.

The bromance is basically led by the essential unspoken laws of the bro code, passed down from generation to generation since the beginning of time. Failure to adhere to the fundamental laws of the bro code have resulted into some of the world’s greatest catastrophies. Let me elaborate.

Please note that following rules not only apply to the males of our species. A lady can also be a bro. This however applies if she confides by the article zero as stated below. 

A lady will be a bro if she hooks you up with atleast a phone number of a curvaceous lady friend that you are interested in. (Terms and conditions apply)

Getting to the point of all this;

Article 1, the most common and most important of all; Bros before hos. Hos in this case refers to a lady who isn’t categorised as a wife or family member. Consequences of which can already be seen on the tragic tale of Samson and Delilah. See, brother Samson stayed home for two consecutive days without going for atleast one premiership match with his bros. This resulted into poor decision making thus giving Delilah far too many chances to erase his gorgeous locks.

Article 10, a bro will drop everything he’s doing and aid a bro in dumping a chic. Facts stand with what happened with emperor Ceaser and the Egyptian chic. Result, end of an empire.

Article 23; When flipping through TV channels with bros, a bro is not allowed to skip a program featuring boobs or ladies wearing tightly fitting clothes ie exercise and yoga shows, botched, wrestling and most recently NBS SNL.

And finally and most importantly to me, Article 12; bros do not share dessert. Consequences as seen on the last supper when brother Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in brother Jesus’ soup. This made him vulnerable to Satan hence the crucification of a bro.

That’s all I’ve got for now. In conclusion remember that; A bro is no bro without he’s bros.

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